


Glimpse of Truth

by sinecure



Series: Glimpses [22]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Angst, Character Death, Drama, F/M, Gen, Gen Fic, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-10
Updated: 2012-07-11
Packaged: 2017-11-09 13:37:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 30,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/456043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinecure/pseuds/sinecure
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose and the Doctor say goodbye, but that really isn't the end. Part of the Glimpses series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Glimpse of Truth

**Author's Note:**

> **Character/Pairing:** Tenth Doctor/Rose  
>  **Rating:** R (adult)  
>  **Genre:** Angst, romance, drama, sex, gen, AU  
>  **Spoilers:** Goes AU from Journey's End.  
>  **Summary:** Rose and the Doctor say goodbye, but that really isn't the end.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who and I make no money off of it.  
>  **A/N:** This fic has short chapters, as it's a Glimpses fic. It's also a WiP. I haven't abandoned it, but it is being updated slowly. It's also nearing the end. So far, there are 26 chapters.  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and the Doctor say goodbye, but that really isn't the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten/Rose  
>  **Rating:** Adult  
>  **Genre:** Romance, angst  
>  **Summary:** Rose and the Doctor say goodbye, but that really isn't the end.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

_Whenever I touch your slow turning pain._

Rose dropped her forehead to the Doctor's shoulder, and he was grateful to be spared the accusing glare of her eyes for a few moments. However, it didn't prevent him from picking up on the sharp edges of anger tingeing her muffled voice.

"I need you," she told him, moving a little closer. He felt every muscle in her body clench as she shifted.

"No, you don't." He tightened his arms around her and inhaled deeply, enjoying her closeness, her scent, and the feel of her being where she belonged. For now. It wouldn't last. It couldn't. "I missed you," he whispered, low enough he wasn't sure she heard him. Hoped she hadn't. His need was there, in his voice, plain enough for her to hear, and if she raised her head to look at him, she'd see it on his face as well, but it'd make it all the harder to do what he needed to do.

She made no move to look at him, and he knew she hadn't heard him. His hearts stopped for a single beat in mourning and then resumed giving him life.

"Fine," she said shakily, "I want-- I want to stay here with you." She trembled in his embrace, wrapping her arms under his and clinging to his shoulders with stiff fingers and nails that dug into his skin. Like she'd never let go.

And then she did lift her head and look him in the eyes. "I want you."

Closing his eyes against the naked expression on her face, he drew back, trying to put some distance between them. "You have me," he told her, believing the words as they slipped past his lips. Knowing she didn't, as her forehead furrowed and her mouth tightened. Pressing his lips to her cheek, he begged her with his silence to accept things as they were.

But she didn't. She never had. And that's why he loved her.

"He's not you." The words were harsh and torn from her throat, terrible in the truth of them, and in the lie.

The Doctor slid deeper into her, holding her down on him, panting against her temple as she clenched around him. Her arms, slick with sweat, clung tighter to his shoulders as she moved over him. Resting his forehead against hers, he caught her gaze. "He _is_ me."

She curled up her lip and shook her head, pulling away from him, trying to climb from his lap, but he held her still, unwilling to lose this as well as her. This was the one--the only--time he'd have her as completely as he wanted her, and he intended to savor every moment before he dropped her back in Pete's World.

With him.

Fingers digging into her hips, he darted forward, catching her lips, kissing her deeply as he resumed their rhythm as smoothly and as deeply as she'd penetrated his hearts.

She pulled away briefly from the fierce kiss to whisper, "He's not."

And, quietly, secretly, the Doctor knew she was right, even when she was wrong. The other him was him. But not anymore. This--making love to Rose right here in his room as her mum, the other him, and Donna chatted away in the console room--this made him a different man.

And he'd cherish this moment while the other him spent the rest of his life with the woman they both loved.


	2. Reality Intrudes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10.2 sees things the way they are.

The Doctor stood in the doorway to his own bedroom, feeling like an intruder. Rose was inside with him. The other him. He'd never seen a more intimate moment between two people, nor one that made him wish so hard that he had more than one heart to be able to carry the burden and strain that this single one was feeling.

Rose's sweat-slicked body was enfolded in his arms. Arms that were his, but weren't. Her blonde head was resting on a shoulder that could've been his, but wasn't. Bare flesh on bare flesh in bare flesh. The smell of sex surrounded them, musky and soft, the sound of their heavy breathing the only noise breaking through the silence.

That could be him, he thought, in a different universe, that could be him. Him with Rose, in their bedroom in a house all their own, living the life he'd never been able to have before, but wanted so desperately now that he could have it.

He saw the plan his other self had made slipping through his fingers, saw _his_ life with Rose fade like a flower too long in the sun. It dried up and blew away, leaving nothing behind but the memory.

Rose wasn't his. She'd never belonged to him. And it looked like she wasn't going to either.

Wrapped so tightly in each other's arms, they didn't see or hear him as he backed away and shut the door.


	3. Leaving Time Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose makes her own choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten/Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Angst  
>  **Summary:** Rose makes her own choices.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

**_Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. -- Erica Jong 1942; American Author_ **

Rose closed the TARDIS door behind her, then gently placed the palm of her hand on the peeling blue surface one last time. Its warm hum called to her, making her feel lonelier even than the day she'd been left, without choice, in Pete's world.

The day her heart solidified. Day by day, little bits crumbled, fell, and splintered off. Until she finally found the Doctor again, until she was once more back in the TARDIS--back home--and she felt whole again, felt complete. And her broken heart was rejuvenated.

But, once again, it was time for her to go. The difference being, this time, the decision was hers, and hers alone.

The thought--the realization--that she was willingly making the choice to never see him again, had her turning briskly around, only to come face to face with the Doctor. Well. A Doctor.

"You're running away," he accused as he stood there, hands in his pockets, back straight, eyes steady on hers. The stance was so familiar, so much like her proper Doctor, that it made her heart ache with loss.

She shrugged and walked past him, needing to put some distance between them. "Better than getting left behind in a universe that I don't belong in." Risking a glance in his direction as he joined her, she added, "I'm sure you'll be happy there."

He grabbed her arm, yanking her to a stop. "I have no intention of going anywhere without you."

Afraid he'd drag her back to the TARDIS and force her to go with him, she jerked free of his grip, glaring at him as she backed away. "Guess you're stuck here then. I already said my goodbyes, and I'm staying."

"Where will you go?" he called out, and she was sure she heard exasperation in his voice.

She shrugged again and turned around, quickening her pace. "Dunno! Henriks? Powell Estates?"

As she walked away from the only life she'd ever wanted, as she put as much distance as she could between herself and the only man she'd really loved, she heard familiar footsteps following her, matching her stride for stride.

"He knows," the Doctor said, tapping the side of his head as he caught up to her.

Telepathy, of course. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask him if he knew she'd slept with the Doctor--the real Doctor--but she kept her mouth shut. Lengthening her gait and ignoring the ache that was working its way back inside her heart, she looked ahead to her new life.

****

Hearing someone step up behind him, the Doctor quickly tapped a few keys, closing out the image of Rose and the other him walking away. He straightened up and sniffed sharply, glancing briefly over his shoulder to see Jackie watching him.

"Did you expect her to go meekly along back to the other universe?"

He didn't say anything, just moved around the console, starting the dematerialization sequence, ignoring her. Rose had made her choice and he wasn't going to interfere.

Jackie followed him, undaunted. "God knows why, but she loves you."

His eyes flicked around the room, looking for Donna. She wasn't here, but he felt her presence in the back of his mind. He felt the other him as well, felt his hope and his jealousy and his love for Rose.

And he felt the ache of his own hearts begin to throb in his chest.


	4. Giving In (adult version)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes giving in is easier than not. (adult version)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten/Rose  
>  **Rating:** Adult (there's also an all ages version)  
>  **Genre:** Romance, angst  
>  **Summary:** Sometimes giving in is easier than not.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

Rose couldn't help herself. Reaching out, she pushed the Doctor's glasses back up the bridge of his nose, but as she did, his hand shot out, wrapping around her wrist as his eyes snapped open. A slight pressure on her arm startled her, and she found herself falling forward, landing half on him, half on the couch.

"What--" she began, trying to rise up off him, but his other hand came to rest on her hip, holding her in place. "What're you doing?" Panic began to flow through her. She didn't touch this Doctor, not if she could help it. Pushing his slipping glasses back up to where they belonged had seemed safe enough, and if she were being completely honest, more than a little bit irresistible. Especially as he'd appeared to be fast asleep when she happened upon him passed out on the couch.

But now... right now, he was touching at least thirty-eight percent of her and she didn't like it.

Lying to herself wasn't getting any easier.

Another little bit of pressure on her arm and she fell forward, forced to catch herself with a hand on his chest. So now it was her right thigh against the outside of his left, her left knee on the couch on the other side of his right, a hand and arm on his chest and her wrist caught in his grip.

And his warm breath was ghosting over her neck.

She shuddered, wanting to close her eyes against his deep brown ones, to just feel him touching her. But when his gaze settled on her mouth, she found she couldn't force them shut.

"You startled me." His eyes flicked to her eyes, then back to her mouth, then lower.

His heated gaze wasn't helping the situation at all. Fighting for control, she rolled her eyes, attempting to act casual, to pretend she wasn't feeling a tugging in her core, wasn't starting to crave his touches and kisses and his body inside hers. "Liar. You heard me before I even unlocked the door. Ears like a bat, remember? You're always bragging about them."

Shifting to try to get up again, she felt his hand tighten on her hip, pushing her forward onto him. Tipped off balance, she grabbed at his dark blue shirt, fisting it while shifting her hips back. She was straddling his legs, but she refused to sit fully on him.

He didn't answer. His eyes lifted to hers again as his hand slid from her hip to the curve of her bum. She tried not to show him how much he was affecting her, but she suspected he already knew; she'd been avoiding his touch for two months now.

He knew. And the look in his eyes, the careful, watchful tilt of his head, told her he was more than aware. He was testing her.

"Doct--" biting off the title, the name she refused to call him, she grabbed his hand and removed it from her bum. Holding her encased wrist up, she raised a brow at him. "Do you mind?"

"No." When she began to push off of him again, he spoke suddenly, quickly, in a low voice. "Don't go." Leaning forward, he pressed his hand against her back at the same time that he touched his lips to hers, for the first time ever, and yet it felt familiar to her because of her one night with the other him. The real him. "Please." He kissed her again, just a brief touch that seared her soul. "Stay." His hand left her back and brushed her hair over her shoulder with his knuckles.

She swallowed thickly and her knees went weak at the need in his eyes. "I can't--"

He held his finger to her lips, halting her words. The warmth of him against her lips caused her dart to her tongue out to wet them, only it brushed up against his skin and his eyes darkened even more, breath catching in his throat at the same time as hers. "Rose," he said huskily, pressing her forward once again until she finally gave in and settled on his lap. Resting his forehead against hers, he closed his eyes. "It's so much harder as a human."

Her eyebrows shot up, mouth curving in amusement. "Really."

A smirk lifted his lips as his eyes reopened. "I meant avoiding physical intimacy, not the actual physical object in question."

She bit her bottom lip and snickered at herself. Mind in the gutter, Rose Tyler. Mind in the gutter. "Right."

When he slid his hand down her back and shifted under her, she slipped forward and came into direct contact with the object she'd been certain he was talking about. "No worries. It's hard too," he muttered thickly, rocking against her as he urged her, with a hand to her back, to move closer. His warm breath swept over her cheek as he tucked her hair behind the shell of her ear, whispering into it. "I always seem to be hard around you these days. Can't control it like I used to."

She whimpered and wrapped an arm around his neck, rocking against him. Just a little. Just for a moment. She wasn't planning on staying here. Certainly wasn't planning on shagging him. He wasn't the man she loved. He was a cheap knockoff, a bad copy, a human who cared for her and wanted her and-- he wasn't the Doctor.

"One heart, all that blood pumping furiously through my body, all of it intent on readying me to make love to you, Rose." His hand released her wrist and she moved closer, wrapping it around his neck with the other. Her legs tightened on his as she rocked against him, noticing how the bulge in his trousers--brown pinstripes these days--fit deliciously between the junction of her thighs. "All the time." Warm fingers snaked their way under her blouse, curling against her stomach briefly before his other hand joined the first and he unfastened her jeans. "Ever wonder why I do so much laundry?"

Startled, unable to quite follow the conversation with the warm, luxurious feelings he was stirring in her, she pulled back and stared at him. "What?"

"Laundry," he repeated, raising an eyebrow. She continued to stare at him blankly as he undid the zip on her jeans, then parted the material and spread his hands underneath, sliding them along her flesh. His lips curved up again, and she had the distinct feeling that he was laughing at her.

"What about it?" She drew back and tried to remove her arms from around his neck, but he shook his head and his own hands rose to hold them in place. "Why are we talking about laundry?"

"We're talking about the reason I do a lot of it." He darted forward, stealing a kiss from her lips, pressing the advantage while he had it. His hands slid around to her back, holding her tightly to him and moving against her, pushing his erection into her. Pulling away slightly, he licked his lips, then breathed deeply a few times, studying her face. "Because I can't stop thinking about you, Rose. I can't stop wanting you. And my body-- well, I've always wanted you, more so since I regenerated, but now... now, it's constant. Being human is hard--"

She smirked, raising an eyebrow at him as she slipped a hand down his chest, then lower, to cup the bulge in his trousers. "Yes. Yes, it is."

He chuckled and then lost all amusement as she squeezed him. "Again," he told her, breathing heavily and leaning back against the sofa cushions. "I'm hard all the time and I-- I can't--yes, again--I can't stop it. I can't control it." His hips bucked up under her ministrations. Scooting back for better access, she unfastened his trousers, freeing him. "I can't-- I can't not have you anymore. My hand is no substitute for you, Rose. Please," he leaned forward again as her hand wrapped around him and his hips bucked, "let me--" he seemed about to say something, but then darted his eyes to hers and swallowed before continuing, and she had the distinct impression that the words that came out weren't the words he'd originally meant to say, "let me come inside you."

Her muscles clenched tight and she squirmed against him, trying to create some friction for herself, but found none. His eyes, pleading with her, asking her, needing her to say yes, watched her intently, waiting for her consent.

Finally, she nodded crookedly and let out a shaky breath, knowing she couldn't refuse him when he was so much like the Doctor. And he essentially was him--didn't just look and sound like him, but acted the same, got excited at the smallest things, and seemed fascinated with her--and though she'd been trying to keep herself from feeling anything for him, it wasn't really a question; she was in love with this man.

This time when she tried to get up, he let her. His hands dropped from her to settle on the sofa beside him. Mouth tight, eyes lowering, he nodded once and began to refasten his trousers.

She toed off one trainer as she reached behind her to unfasten her bra, but stopped and stared at him when she saw what he was doing. "What...?"

His head lifted and his eyes fell to her arms, hands still behind her back. "I thought you didn't..."

"No, I do." A smile teased her lips as she resumed her tasks, kicking off her other shoe. She shouldn't want to, should she? Shouldn't be giving in this quickly to a man who-- no, it wasn't fair for her to continually try to separate the two of them in this way because she did love him. He was the same man in all the ways that counted. They--the two Doctors--hadn't become separate beings until far after the point that she'd already fallen in love with him.

"I do want to," she repeated.

Slipping her bra from her shoulders, then lifting her shirt over her head, she dropped them both to the floor as the Doctor went about stripping his own shirts off. She watched him as he struggled with the cuffs, letting her eyes run over the expanse of his bare chest again. It was only the second time she'd seen him naked, but she loved his body. It was thin and sleek and muscular, but not overly so. He was gorgeous. And she wanted to touch him again.

Hastening out of her jeans, she shoved them down her hips, leaning down to draw them off and free herself of her socks at the same time. When she looked up, still bent over, she came face to face with the Doctor's cock. "Hello," she mumbled, then spent a moment staring at it before darting her tongue to lick the tip.

Surprised by the action, he jerked his hips forward and dropped to the cushions, trousers halfway down his thighs. "Can you...?" Eyes on hers, he encouraged her to do more. "With-- with your mouth." He raised a hand to scratch at the back of his neck and she wondered if he thought she'd say no.

There was no way was she going to turn down touching him like this. She craved every inch of him, every tiny little bit he'd let her have. "If you want me to," she said in a low, husky voice.

"Oh, yes," he said, grinning back and nodding. "I most definitely want you to. Would most definitely like you to-- ah-- ahh," he gasped, sucking in a hasty breath as she wrapped her fingers around him. "Yeah, that is definitely nice. Fantastic. Brilliant."

She tightened her hand around the base, and, leaning forward, slipped him into her mouth, chuckling at his enthusiasm. He was thick and warm, his flesh sliding past her lips smoothly. His fingers curled in her hair, tightening as she moved up and down on him a few times. Slipping most of him out of her mouth, she played her lips over the tip and swirled her tongue around him.

The Doctor groaned and rolled his hips forward in a rhythm that forced him deeper into her mouth every few seconds. "Fantastic," he whispered.

Eyes rising to his, she tilted her head back to watch him, to see his reactions to her hand squeezing him, her mouth encasing him. He was watching her as well, though she suspected he was more interested in watching his cock slide in and out of her mouth than her reactions.

She pressed her hand flat against his bare stomach and hummed, sliding him as deeply as she could into her mouth without gagging. His hips tried to arch up, but she halted the movement with a hand pressed into his thigh, seeing his eyes widen on her face as she did it again.

"Oh, Rose," he groaned, dropping his head back on the couch. "Oh..." He hissed in a breath and continued to groan her name along with a few other indecipherable words.

He was so responsive that she couldn't take her eyes off of him as she curled her fingers and scraped his stomach, then slid her hand up to his nipple and rubbed it with her thumb. His eyes snapped open to once again focus on her and there was something so dark and so indescribable in them that she paused and slid him free of her mouth. He leaned forward, cupping the back of her head and drew her to him for a kiss. Lips and tongues and teeth battled for dominance in a sweet dance that left them both breathless and pressed against one another.

Pulling back, she stared into his eyes, searching for what she'd seen in them before, not sure what it was, but wanting to identify it. Running her fingers through his hair, she pressed her lips to his and then sat back. "I wanna shag you, Doctor. But you have entirely too many clothes on."

He grinned and quickly lifted his hips again, freeing his trousers as she knelt before him and removed his Chucks, tossing them over her shoulder one by one with a grin. Something clanged to the floor, but neither of them looked to see what is was.

Their eyes were locked on one another's.

Then she realized what it was she was seeing in his eyes. It was _him_. The Doctor, the real Doctor; watching her, wanting her. Needing her.

And she wanted him. God, did she want him. The only thing that'd held her back for the past few months was her own stubborn pride and love for the other him. But _he_ was gone, forever. And he wasn't coming back, otherwise... well, he'd have done so already wouldn't he?

She was stuck on the slow path, with a man who loved her and wanted her. A man she loved as well.

Climbing to her feet, she waited for the Doctor to finish yanking off his pants and trousers, head bowed to his task. She ran her fingers through his hair, enjoying the silky soft feel of it. It was slightly different to the other Doctor's, but it wasn't a bad difference. It was slightly longer with less product. He'd discovered early on that having a job and responsibilities other than dashing across the universe meant much less time for himself.

His sleep was different too. He still didn't need it as much as most humans, but three or four hours a day was more than he used to do in a week.

Blinking against the painful memories that threatened to ruin the mood, she glanced down to find him watching her. "All right?" he asked, snaking a hand around her to cup the back of her thigh. His fingers smoothed up and down her bare flesh, then settled just below her bum.

"Yeah." Smiling, she pushed her rogue thoughts away and moved to straddle his lap, but he jerked back so suddenly and dropped his hand from her that she was left swaying off balance. "What--"

His brows lowered, mouth curling up in distaste as he got to his feet. "Not like that. Not that way."

She darted her eyes away, filled with the knowledge that he _did_ know. She'd suspected, wondered, almost asked him a few times. Now she knew.

He grabbed her hand roughly, pulling her with him into the hallway. Once there, he stopped in front of her room, shouldering the door open and dragging her to the bed. "You're with me," he told her, brushing her hair behind her shoulders. His fingers moved higher, slipping the strands behind her ears. "Just me."

"I know." She stepped closer and pressed her body against his, closing her eyes briefly at the feel of his hard warmth pressed against her.

"I'm not him," he whispered harshly in her ear as his arms went around her back, dragging her closer.

She pulled back sharply, staring at him. "I know that."

"If we do this--" he began, looking her in the eye.

"If?" She smirked at him as she wrapped her hand around his cock. He was so hard that it made her squirm. She wanted him inside her now, wanted him to fill her completely and make her come.

His hand settled over hers. "If," he repeated, lips tightening. His eyes half-closed, chest rising and falling deeply as she slowly stroked him, her thumb brushing the tip with each upward slide. His fingers clenched on hers, but he didn't stop her. Snapping his eyes open, he moved closer to her, sliding his lips over her forehead before settling his cheek on the top of her head. "You need to know I'm not him. I'm not the one who wanted to leave you behind in another universe."

She didn't want to talk about this now, not while they were standing naked, wrapped around each other.

"That wasn't me," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her hair as they continued to stroke him. "I've never wanted to leave you behind, Rose."

She knew all of this, even if she didn't think about it. The man before her, surrounding her, in her hand, he _was_ the Doctor, but he was also a different man now. He was the Doctor plus. A new version of the other model. Not better or worse, just... different. And he hadn't ever left her behind. Well, no, that wasn't quite true was it? He'd sent her home on Satellite 5 and again at Torchwood.

"But you are still him," she told him, despite not wanting to ruin the mood and risk not having him. Because she really did want him. "You spent the past two months telling me you were the Doctor."

"I did," he agreed, pulling back to put some space between them, though not enough that they weren't still touching as much as possible. Their hands were still wrapped around his cock. "But--"

"No. You split into two different people long after I fell in love with you." Sighing, she raised her free hand and settled it on his chest. "You can't have it both ways."

"I'm not trying to, Rose. I am the Doctor, I'm just not the 'real' Doctor." She opened her mouth to disagree, but he cut her off with a brief shake of his head. Drawing in a deep breath, he raised her chin to look into her eyes. "I'm not the man you slept with before you left the TARDIS."

Again, here was proof that he knew, that he'd known all this time.

She didn't have an answer for him, didn't want to get into it now. There was plenty of time for that later. Right now, she wanted the man in front of her and she didn't care which Doctor he was. She loved them both because they were the same man. Though this one was human, and he didn't have a TARDIS, he was still the Doctor. He was her Doctor.

Even though he wasn't _her_ Doctor.

When she didn't answer, he sighed. "If he came here right now, landed over there by the closet, and held his hand out to you... you'd go with him, wouldn't you?"

There was no question and he knew it, so she merely released him and pushed him back on the bed where he landed with a bounce. Kneeling on the mattress beside his legs, which were hanging over the side, she straddled his calves. "Doesn't matter, he's not coming."

As she climbed over him, he licked his lips and watched her breasts, hand darting out to caress one and pinch the nipple, which sent a tug of desire straight to her core. "I'm the runner-up. Just a human replacement for--"

"Stop it." Looking down at his handsome face, his dark eyes, his lips that constantly teased her and grinned at her and had so recently whispered wonderful things into her ear, she nipped at his jaw. "It's not like that. I'm here, with you. I'm choosing to be with you."

His hand tightened on her breast, the other one grasping her hip, encouraging her closer. "Are you? Or are you just shagging the next best thing?"

She crawled higher, settling on his stomach and lowering her body slowly, deliberately to let him feel the wetness seeping from her. Placing her hands on either side of his head, she fisted her fingers in the covers and pushed her body backward, sliding slickly against his stomach. His cock slipped beneath her and his eyes darkened even more. He couldn't seem to figure out where to look, his gaze flitted from her face, to her breasts, to where she was sitting on him, slowly rocking for the friction it afforded her.

Leaning down, she kissed him softly, deeply, then sucked his lower lip into her mouth. The hand on her hip moved to her hair, threading itself in the strands. Cupping his cheeks, she held him still and looked at him earnestly. "I know who I'm shagging, and it's you, Doctor. I want _you_."

She slid back up and reached a hand behind her, between his legs. Her fingers trailed lightly, teasingly along his length before she cupped his balls, rubbing the heel of her hand over them a few times.

"Just you. Right now." She trailed the tip of her finger along the underside of his length.

"Oh, I want _you_ , Rose, but I don't-- fuck."

Raising an eyebrow, she fought off a smile. "Oh, I think you do." She slid backward, onto his thighs, his cock slipping deliciously along her wet folds, making her cry out as it rubbed against her clit. She was tempted to slide along him, back and forth, again and again, but continued backward instead, until his length sprang up, happily bobbing in place.

She smiled, and, taking his balls in hand again, resumed her playful caressing until his hand joined hers, moving it to his slick cock. His eyes fastened on hers as his hand showed her how he wanted to be stroked. "I do," he agreed, voice strained and broken.

Startled, realizing that that might mean more than she'd first thought, she halted her hand and bit her lip. "Do you? I... I mean, have you?" Now that she actually thought about it, it was entirely possible he'd been with someone else. Reasonable too, what with her not showing him the slightest bit of interest during the two months they'd lived together. Frowning at the image of his personal assistant that popped into her mind, she dropped her hands to her thighs. "Tina's a bit pretty."

He sat up rather suddenly, nearly dislodging her from her seat on his legs. "Is she?" His eyes studied hers, darting from one to the other as his hands cupped her cheeks, holding her still when she tried to look away. "Rose, you can't honestly think I'd be with someone else when I'm in love with you?"

Her breath caught in her throat at the words, said so casually. Just tossed out there like a comment about the weather. This wasn't something they'd ever talked about before. She knew-- well, she suspected that the other Doctor loved her, which then made sense that this one would as well, but... she hadn't ever really thought about it. Hadn't considered it. Not truly.

"I--" she began, but he kissed, sliding a hand down between her legs.

"Not now," he muttered, pressing his lips against hers again, hard and fierce.

He didn't touch her, not yet, just circled his fingers teasingly, tantalizingly close to her wet heat. Then one finger slid to her clit, rubbing lightly. She tore her mouth from his and gripped his arms with her nails. Each little touch sent a shock of pleasure through her, made her even wetter. Shifting her position, she reached between them and took him in hand again, lazily stroking him as he slid a finger inside her.

Widening her grip, she loosely settled it around him and then twisted a bit on the down-stroke.

He twirled his finger inside her.

She tightened her hand about him and quickened her pace.

He slipped another finger inside her and sped up his thrusting.

Pushing him back on the bed, she followed him down, thrusting her hips on his hand. His hips bucked up, and he groaned, closing his eyes, his body digging deeper into the mattress as she stroked him.

His free hand slipped around behind her back, caressing her bum for a moment before his other hand joined it, sliding free of her so quickly it made her clench around his absence. Both hands settled on her bum, trying to draw her up over him, but she held firm, continuing to stroke him, teasing the tip, thumbing the underside.

A deep grunt escaped his lips, and she repeated the move. One of his hands resumed its place between her legs.

She loved this. Loved touching him and eliciting such vocal reactions from him. He was always so eager in his responses, whether it be to food, or drink, or telly, or nature, it didn't matter, and she wanted to be the reason for his excitement.

She wanted to make him lose control.

Concentrating on each touch, each sigh, each moan and groan they tore from one another, she finally--finally!--moved up his body with one clear intent.

Her hand held him still, but as she sat up on her knees, angling to take his length into her body, he yanked his fingers from between her legs and grabbed her hips roughly. She felt a shiver of excitement go through her as he pushed her to the bed beside. She liked him like this, holding her down, watching her intently. "I told you, not like that," he panted.

She nodded once and pulled his head down for a kiss. It was rough and hurried and forceful, both of them fighting for dominance as his tongue swept into her mouth.

When his body pressed into hers, once again seeking out her heat, she spread her legs, moaning as a finger entered her wet folds. Nails scraping along his arms, she grabbed his shoulders, drawing him over her. He went obligingly, settling between her legs, but holding his upper body away, leaning to the side to watch his fingers move in and out of her.

But, it wasn't enough for her anymore. She wanted to feel the heavy weight of him against her. Wanted to feel him inside her as he stroked her to a fever pitch with his cock rather than his fingers. "Doctor... enough teasing." Drawing her left leg up, she wrapped it around his legs, pressing him closer. He resisted, keeping himself above her with little effort.

So she scraped her nails down his back, watching eagerly as he hissed in a breath and refocused his eyes on her face.

His lips curled up and he moved his fingers more slowly, more deliciously inside her slick heat. The nail of his other hand flicked her nipple before pinching it, and then cupping her breast. "Tell me what you want," he mumbled, leaning down to take the taut flesh into his mouth. His teeth nipped and teased before sucking it into his mouth again.

"You," she answered without hesitation. Back bowing, seeking more of his mouth on her breast, she grinned at him and scraped her nails down his back to his arse.

Desire swamped through her as a growl rose in his chest.

His back arched and he moved closer to her body to escape the sting, but his eyes were dark and heavy, his tongue coming to rest at the roof of his mouth. She slid her fingers soothingly over the curve of his back as he leaned down and tugged her earlobe with his teeth.

"Tell me what you want," he whispered again.

"You, Doctor." She squirmed beneath him and reached down to take his cock in hand. "This." Squeezing him tight and stroking back and forth along his length, she pushed her hips forward. "I want you inside me."

That seemed to break his control because he rolled more fully on top of her and reached out, grabbing a pillow. "Raise up."

She settled both feet flat on the bed and lifted her hips. He slipped the pillow beneath her bum, occupying himself with caressing her for a moment before kneeling between her legs. Her muscles clenched when he flicked his eyes up to hers.

Still he didn't enter her. His fingers slid back into her instead, moving in and out a few times, then twisting as he pulled them out. "Doctor," she moaned, shifting restlessly on the pillow.

He wrenched his fingers free and moved closer as he licked them. "Fantastic," he mumbled, eyes between her legs. Then he positioned himself, rocking his hips forward and sliding into her slowly, an inch at a time.

"Fuck," she grunted as her muscles stretched to accommodate him, the rich sensation of him filling her just a bit on the uncomfortable side.

"Yes, we are," he chuckled, sliding a hand down her bum and one thigh. A strained hiss left his parted lips as he seated himself completely inside her.

"Condom," she breathed, head clearing for a moment to focus on the practical. It was a hard thing to do when he was finally inside her, finally filling her up. She gestured to her bedside table, but he didn't move.

"Newly human," he grunted, moving just a bit to get her used to his presence. "Good?"

"Yeah." Breathing out slowly, she relaxed all her muscles and licked her lips. "What about pregnancy?" She hadn't thought about that before. This was actually the first time the thought had crossed her mind. Was he able to? Did he have the proper human bits for procreation? "Is that even possible?"

"Yes." He slid a palm under each thigh, helping her lift them up to his chest. His cock slid in deeper and they both gasped at the sensation. It was a bit too much for her all at once and she shifted, clutching his thighs with her nails. His eyes darted to hers as he drew back out a few inches. "Okay?"

"Gimme a minute," she breathed, staring at the ceiling as her fingers settled more loosely on the skin of his thighs.

Hands smoothing over her hips and bum and stomach, he held himself still, though she could tell it wasn't easy. His breathing was hitching in with every involuntary muscle contraction. He leaned forward, sliding into her again, then out a little further. Fingers soothingly caressing her stomach, he watched her. "Rose..."

"It's good." She shifted her legs into a more comfortable position as he pulled out and slowly, sensuously stroked back inside her. Bent nearly in half, she could do little more than feel, and, god, did it feel gorgeous. He felt gorgeous. Her ankles hooked over his shoulders, and he wrapped his hands around her thighs, holding her still while he began a rhythm of thrusting so deeply into her that it almost hurt. Her breasts jiggled with each stroke and the Doctor watched them, riveted.

"Still good?" he asked, sliding a hand down the side of one leg. He looked like he was holding back, afraid to thrust too hard and she was grateful for the concern, but she wanted all of him.

She nodded, digging her hands into the flesh of his thighs, scratching and scraping at it as she clawed for purchase. Having one's legs in the air wasn't the most comfortable or safe-feeling position in the world. As she adjusted to the pose, she relaxed her fingers a bit, but they kept flexing without her intention.

Body slick with sweat, she blew the hair off her forehead and then brought a hand over to caress her chest, playing with the nipple.

He looked relieved and bent forward more, placing his hands on either side of her head, keeping his arms straight as he began to thrust quicker, sliding in even more deeply than before. Her lower half rolled back under him, her body rocking with each thrust.

A moan of pleasure slipped past her lips, then turned into a chain of grunts and groans. She'd never shagged in this position before, but she was pretty sure she liked it. He was deep inside her--so very deep--and every thrust lodged him further, building up her pleasure with alarming speed. Her body was clenching him tightly, and he groaned every time, but she couldn't help it, couldn't stop her muscles from contracting as his breath blew over her face and his hot, slick body moved against hers.  
She couldn't kiss him in this position, but she was face to face with him, and his eyes leveled on hers. As she neared orgasm, as it coiled tighter and tighter in her, she tried to relax, to let it come on its own, but she couldn't.

His arms shifted and he changed the angle of penetration. Sinking deeper. She sucked in a breath, tensing under him.

"Sorry," he choked out in a strangled voice. "Sorry. Need you to come, Rose. Can't... can't."

Feeling powerful, even bent in half beneath him, she squeezed her muscles around him again and flattened her palms on the mattress. Clutching the duvet in her fingers, she thrust her hips up into him. It wasn't much, but it was enough to speed up her climax.

Pleasure began to build up higher and higher, tightening her body and making her toes tingle. It was coming. She was coming. "Doctor," she muttered, over and over until he was slamming into her, and she knew she'd be sore for a while afterward. But she didn't care. Wave after wave of ecstasy rolled through her body, forcing her hips higher, forcing her to clutch him so tightly-- so very tightly.

She screamed his name, riding out the pleasure, more vocal than she'd ever been before. Her fingers gripped the duvet in damp handfuls.

Not three strokes later, the Doctor grunted out _her_ name, the sound barely making it past stiff lips as he thrust deeply once more, burying himself inside her as his cock began to spasm. His seed shot into her as his hips bucked, rocking into her again and again.

Mumbling her name, he collapsed over her, causing her to groan in discomfort. "Sorry," he said, the word little more than an escape of breath.

He pulled back enough to lower her legs, slipping free of her body before dropping to the bed beside her.

Sweaty and hot, he lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. She rolled over, curling into him, enjoying the feel of his damp skin under her cheek and against her body. This was where she always wanted to be; by the Doctor's side, and--he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer--in his arms.

Her moist breath burst over his chest, stirring the hairs there and drying his skin as he breathed heavily above her, sliding his fingers through her hair and smoothing it back form her face. The pads of his fingers slipped gently across her temples, giving her a sudden thought.

"Doctor."

"Mm?" was his only reply, his voice rumbling through his chest and vibrating into her. He shifted around a bit, yanking the covers out from underneath him. She lifted up slightly, freeing her side of the duvet then snuggled back into him under the warmth. When she was finally settled, his hand resumed its place in her hair.

She swallowed hard, tipping her head back to look him in the eye. "I just... well, you said," she stopped and licked her lips, pausing more out of nervousness than anything else. "Was he-- I mean, you _know_ when he's-- was he, while we were...?" she trailed off, watching as his eyes went blank and his hand dropped from her hair. She held her breath, waiting for his answer.

If the Doctor--the first Doctor--had been connected to this Doctor while they were shagging, well... she was pretty sure she wanted to know. What they'd done wasn't any of his business.

He sat up, knocking her from his chest, then stared at her for a moment, before turning his back on her and pushing out of bed. She sat up as well, listening as his soft footfalls circled around the bed toward her and continued straight to the door. His shadowed form disappeared from view, heading in the direction of his bedroom.

Something in her chest seemed determined to cut off her oxygen supply. She felt like she'd just been punched in the gut. Even though she was half-tempted to run after him, and a little angry at his response, she stayed where she was, staring at the bright yellow light spilling into the open doorway from the hallway.

When he didn't return, she laid down on her side, facing the door, and hugged her sore, aching legs to her chest.


	5. Giving In (all ages version)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, giving in is easier than not. (this is the all ages version of the chapter, there is also an adult version)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten/Rose  
>  **Rating:** All ages (there's also an adult version)  
>  **Genre:** Romance, angst  
>  **Summary:** Sometimes giving in is easier than not.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

Pushing his slipping glasses back up to where they belonged had seemed safe enough, and if she were being completely honest, more than a bit irresistible. Especially as he'd appeared to be fast asleep when she happened upon him passed out on the couch.

But now... right now, he was touching at least thirty-eight percent of her body, his breath ghosting over her neck, and she didn't like it. Not one bit.

 

****

  


Sweaty and hot, he lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. She rolled over, curling into him, enjoying the feel of his damp skin under her cheek and against her body. This was where she always wanted to be; by the Doctor's side, and--he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer--in his arms.

Her moist breath burst over his chest, stirring the hairs there and drying his skin as he breathed heavily above her, sliding his fingers through her hair and smoothing it back form her face. The pads of his fingers slipped gently across her temples, giving her a sudden thought.

"Doctor."

"Mm?" was his only reply, his voice rumbling through his chest and vibrating into her. He shifted around a bit, yanking the covers out from underneath him. She lifted up slightly, freeing her side of the duvet then snuggled back into him under the warmth. When she was finally settled, his hand resumed its place in her hair.

She swallowed hard, tipping her head back to look him in the eye. "I just... well, you said," she stopped and licked her lips, pausing more out of nervousness than anything else. "Was he-- I mean, you _know_ when he's-- was he, while we were...?" she trailed off, watching as his eyes went blank and his hand dropped from her hair. She held her breath, waiting for his answer.

If the Doctor--the first Doctor--had been connected to this Doctor while they were shagging, well... she was pretty sure she wanted to know. What they'd done wasn't any of his business.

He sat up, knocking her from his chest, then stared at her for a moment, before turning his back on her and pushing out of bed. She sat up as well, listening as his soft footfalls circled around the bed toward her and continued straight to the door. His shadowed form disappeared from view, heading in the direction of his bedroom.

Something in her chest seemed determined to cut off her oxygen supply. She felt like she'd just been punched in the gut. Even though she was half-tempted to run after him, and a little angry at his response, she stayed where she was, staring at the bright yellow light spilling into the open doorway from the hallway.

When he didn't return, she laid down on her side, facing the door, and hugged her sore, aching legs to her chest.


	6. Lying With His Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor gets involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten  
>  **Rating:** Adult  
>  **Genre:** Romance, angst  
>  **Summary:** The Doctor gets involved.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

_I think of him now and again, I wonder how his journey ends, as I sail by on my lonesome sea, that stranger with the haunting face, here then gone without a trace, lying with his love, that's where he'll be. -- The Stowaway_

The Doctor settled on his bed and unzipped his trousers with a shaking hand. The room was quiet, the hum of the TARDIS nothing more than a comforting purr in the background.

He'd had to practically run in here in order to avoid Donna, and he wasn't even sure his thinly veiled excuse had fooled her one bit, but it had been a shock to suddenly see images of Rose in his arms and feel her straddling his lap when he wasn't even sitting. He'd been recalibrating the Time rotor when it hit him like a lightning bolt from out of nowhere, and he'd hightailed it out of there as his body responded with frightening speed.

His cock was rock hard within seconds and it had taken all of his control not to unzip his trousers in the control room to take himself in hand.

He thought maybe Donna might frown upon that.

But now, here, on his bed, body throbbing and aching with arousal, he allowed himself to take in every inch of Rose's skin that his twin was showing him. Felt every single touch his other self pressed to her body, and savored it as his twin kissed her and licked his fingers free of her taste.

Panting, he stroked himself as he listened to every moan, took in every word, strained for each breath.

He stored all of it away, all the sounds and all the images, keeping them safe for another day when he'd let them resurface, let himself drown in her. For right now though, he just wanted to get himself off, and quickly. It wasn't fair of the other Doctor to inundate him like this, completely out of the blue and without a single warning.

Over the months, the Doctor had found out quite a bit about Rose and his double's lives. The telepathic link hummed constantly in the back of his mind. Most times, he couldn't hear them speaking, couldn't see the images of them as they went about their daily lives.

Unless _he_ wanted him to.

And there were certain times when he'd have to stop and ground himself--find himself again--because suddenly, he'd hear Rose talking to him. See her hunkering down behind a crate somewhere nearby.

From the beginning, his twin made certain that he knew where they lived: a non-council flat in London, nicer than the Powell Estates, but not much bigger. And that they lived together.

He made sure the Doctor knew they worked for U.N.I.T.. And that they worked together.

Whenever Rose was in trouble, the Doctor knew about it.

He knew, without his other self having to tell him--he never communicated with words--that he wanted to make sure the Doctor was aware when Rose was in danger so that he could save her if need be.

As a result, the Doctor had been inundated with images of Rose being drained of life while he ran from guards on Ret'ul. He and Donna had barely escaped the flood on B'war because he'd been swamped with pictures of Rose pinned down by an alien that he didn't recognize while his other self struggled to get to her.

All events had turned out okay, for both him and Donna, and Rose and his twin.

And he'd learnt to live with it, had opened himself up to the link. He wanted to be there if she needed him. And he would. Without a second thought, he'd run to her side and keep her safe.

What he hadn't expected was something like this.

The feel of _his_ fingers sliding into Rose's warmth. The salty taste of her lips on his. The sound of her laughter and the sight of her bared to his gaze. It was almost too much to take. He jerked his hips upward, stroking himself faster. Seeing them, being an invisible passenger for their lovemaking, wasn't his idea of fun.

Though this was the first time they were making love, he didn't think it would be the last.

He'd been taken off guard, unable to shield his own mind as the other Doctor flooded him with wave after wave of feeling and sensation.

Not as it happened, but after. These were memories, possibly made just minutes before, but they weren't happening as he was receiving them. Those sorts of images felt different.

But he still felt every single thing his other self had felt, and it was overwhelming. So, for now, all he could do was ride the wave of passion and come when his other self did.

And when Rose asked quietly, hesitatingly, whether he, himself, had shared their lovemaking with him, and then the link suddenly cut off and he was left alone again, he lay panting, staring at the ceiling with a growing jealousy tightening his chest.


	7. Back To the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meeting of three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten  
>  **Rating:** All ages  
>  **Genre:** Romance, angst  
>  **Summary:** A meeting of three.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

The Doctor ran down the ramp and flung the TARDIS doors open. Almost immediately, his eyes began to burn from the grey cloud of smoke that greeted him. Holding his hand over his mouth, he took a step outside and looked around, but couldn't see more than a few feet in front of him.

A sudden burst of red light flashed toward him and he ducked, holding his arms over his head. A split second later, a flash of blue light pierced the smoke from behind the TARDIS, aiming in the direction of the first shot.

Cupping his hands over his mouth, he drew in a deep breath, and, inhaling some of the thick smoke in the process, started coughing. Even with his respiratory bypass, it took him a few seconds to get the coughing under control enough to call out. "Rose! Doctor!"

Two more red shots screamed past him, close enough that he felt the heat of them and heard it as something nearby got scorched.

Ducking, perhaps a little belatedly, he slammed the TARDIS doors shut behind him and moved around the protection of his ship. From what he could see in his mind--which wasn't much more than a blurry sky and Rose's injured body--they were somewhere near a stone wall. He waved his hand in front of his face, trying to clear it of the smoke that was preventing him from getting a clearer picture of his surroundings, but it clung stubbornly to the air. Heat roared by him once more and he-- wait. In winter?

Fire.

Heading in the direction of the blue guns seemed as good a plan as any. They, at least, hadn't attempted to shoot at him.

Covering his mouth, he circled around the TARDIS and caught a brief glimpse through the fog of smoke of a figure huddled by a wall.

He ran toward it, pulling his sonic screwdriver from his pocket and aimed it ahead of him, lighting his way. As he neared the wall, something orange roared, flying through the air, and landed with a loud thud on the ground a few feet in front of him, but it wasn't interested in him. The smoke, stirred by the Iboran, cleared long enough for him to see a figure on the ground struggling with the alien.

Running to help, he switched settings on the sonic screwdriver and a high pitched noise pierced the air. He held his hand over one ear, leaning the other into his shoulder to muffle the sound, and dashed closer. The Iboran reared back and turned toward him, spitting saliva.

"Icha ors s'adda," it hissed out, watching him in a less than impressed manner.

The Doctor turned the settings again and pointed the sonic screwdriver at the Iboran. "Icha ors s'adda," he bit out, straightening and looking the alien directly in its black eyes. "M'adra."

The Iboran's manner changed. It huddled a little more, then shrugged, and with a chuckle, gestured to Rose's prone body below him. "R'adda."

He--the Doctor could tell it was male by the green scales lining its eyes and cheekbones--began to back away. There was a blur of movement from near where Rose lay, and a burst of blue laser light shot out.

"No!" he shouted, but it was too late. The Iboran didn't have a chance to move out of the way of the fatal shot. He lay lifeless on the ground, smoke sizzling from between his eyes, rising from a scorched, black mark. With one last regretful glance at the Iboran, the Doctor ran to Rose and dropped to the ground beside her. "Rose, are you--"

"Doct--" she coughed a few times, leaning back in his arms, holding her right side. "Doctor," she tried again, voice thick and hoarse.

He ran his eyes over her, noting all her injuries, before responding. "Yeah. It's me."

She tightened her hand on his arm and tried to haul herself to her feet, but he held her still. She'd been shot with a laser ray. It didn't look too bad, but she was in a pretty sorry state; face covered in soot and dirt, hair in disarray, clothes filthy and torn. "Let's get you to the TARDIS, I can fix up that--"

She shoved at him, knocking him off balance. He hit the ground with an oomph, watching as she crawled away, heading closer to the wall. And then he remembered the other him. Quickly joining Rose, he knelt down beside his twin. Clone. He'd never really figured out what to call the other Doctor. But it hardly mattered now. Probably not anymore. The body Rose was fussing over wasn't moving and the tickling presence in the back of the Doctor's mind was barely there anymore.

Rose slid her arms under the other Doctor, holding him tight to her chest. "Help him," she demanded.

He nodded, hesitating only briefly before he bent to pick up her lover.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The medical equipment on the TARDIS was some of the most advanced in the universe, but even the Doctor couldn't bring a human back to life. Or save someone hovering so near death's door that he had all but one finger inside.

No matter how many times he told Rose this, she just wouldn't listen. He'd tried, over and over again, but still she refused to accept it.

"Fix him," she shouted, lips trembling as she smoothed a hand down her lover's face again and again. The same spot, over and over again. It only smeared the soot and dirt more, but she didn't seem to care. Didn't seem to notice either, as her tears fell on brown pinstripes.

He shook his head and turned off the machine, unhooking it from the Doctor. It wasn't helping him any. "I can't," he repeated for the fifth time as he pushed the cart aside. "He's too far g--"

"No, he's not. Don't you say that. He's..." she stopped and swiped angrily at the tears slipping down her cheeks, "he's gonna be okay. He told me he was, so don't you dare tell me he's not. Just fix him!"

His patience with her finally at an end, he shouted back, "I can't, Rose! He's dying." The other Doctor's wounds--five laser blasts and a blow to the head--were too much for even him to repair.

She stared at him for a few moments, then sneered, "Liar," before turning her attention back to the man on the bed, running her hand down his cheek again.

Feeling a small tug at the back of his mind, he closed his eyes and followed it, linking with the other Doctor. There was a strange warmth to the connection, something he couldn't fully identify, but it didn't matter, there wasn't enough time to do so.

The Doctor on the bed opened his eyes and sought out Rose.

When he found her, she smiled and bent down to kiss him, laughing through her tears. "See. I knew you wouldn't leave me. I knew you wouldn't." Her smile grew strained when he lifted a weak hand to her cheek. She grabbed it in her own and held it to her. "I love you. I knew you wouldn't leave me."

The Doctor watched his own lips move and read the silent words that were meant for Rose's ears only. He quickly turned away when the lips stopped moving and his hand grew suddenly limp, held up now only by Rose's.

"Doctor?" He heard her moving closer and turned back to see her panicked face fixed on the man lying in the bed. Heard her gasping sobs as she tried to draw his lifeless body to her. "Doctor. Doctor! Don't-- don't die. Please, don't die. Don't leave me."

He felt both like an intruder and like a man watching his own death. Unsure whether to go to Rose to comfort her, or leave her alone to grieve, he decided the only thing he could do was wait to see what she wanted.

There was a loud clatter of metal hitting the floor and he watched in horror as Rose collapsed in a heap by the bed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The Doctor turned off the scanner and put away the wand, then clenched his hands into fists. Clenched and released. Clenched and released.

She was healed now, but was far from okay.

Looking back at Rose, he watched as her eyes opened and slowly focused on him. She was fighting back tears and nearly succeeded, but a few escaped anyway, running down her temples and into her hair.

Shifting her gaze to the ceiling, her hands curled protectively around her stomach. "It's not yours."

He closed his eyes and turned away. As he did, the warm tug that'd been in his mind since landing, suddenly intensified, burning and searing through his head. He dropped to his knees, fingers gripping his head as a scream of pain tore free from his throat.


	8. Final Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are different kinds of goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Romance, angst  
>  **Summary:** There are different kinds of goodbye.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

A lifetime of memories of laughter and sorrow and hope flew through the Doctor's mind. Distantly, he thought he might still be screaming, but he couldn't be sure.

All he could see, all he was, all around him was noise and color and pain. Then suddenly, it stopped.

One lone image floated before him like an old photo in an album, wrinkled at the edges and folded in one spot. It was a well-used memory. Climbing to his feet, he stepped through it.

A beautiful sunny day greeted him, the warmth of the sun spilling over him, beckoning him closer. Rose was there, standing in the golden light, fighting a smile as she bit into an apple, juice running down her chin. The sunlight caught her in hair, turning it a warm honey color.

His heart--no hearts--skipped out of sync for a moment before the right caught up with the left. This woman, the woman he loved, was the mother of his child.

There was a tug in his head, a pulling sensation, and he was yanked backward. Rose and the park and the sunny day blurred and crumpled, fading into darkness until he was left alone once more.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Rose turned from the open doors of the TARDIS with a shaky breath. The Doctor saw her trembling lip and brushed his hand across her cheek, wiping away the tears, then opened his arms to her. She went without hesitation, pressing herself against him with a sob, her whole body shaking with grief. Over her shoulder, he watched his twin's body floating amongst the dust and particles of a world both newly, and long ago, dead.

Gallifrey, that once beautiful and majestic home of all Time Lords and Ladies, was now nothing more than mere dust amongst the stars, and now the other Doctor was a part of them forever. He, too, was a part of them through the other Doctor.

It felt like he'd come full circle.

"I'm ready to go back," Rose sniffled, pulling away from him so suddenly that he was left clenching his hands in midair. She wiped her red-rimmed eyes and took a step back.

The Doctor stared at her, trying to comprehend what she was saying. "What?" She couldn't possibly mean it. She couldn't possibly want to go back to Earth now. Not now that the other him was dead. Now that she was having a baby that would... he couldn't let her. "No." Seeing her eyes narrow, he spoke more sternly. "I'm not letting you raise the baby on your own, Rose. I wouldn't do that to you."

"Told you before," she said curtly. "It's not yours. It's been six months since we made lov--" her eyes slid away from his, "since we shagged. And I'm only four months gone."

She was angry. He understood that. She was also grieving, and he could help her with that, but he didn't think now was the time. He rubbed the back of his neck, ignoring her dig at him, knowing she was hurting. "I know it's not mine. It couldn't be. It's... I'm sterile. All Time Lords were sterile, for thousands of years-- Rose, it doesn't matter. You can't go back to Earth."

She glared at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "It's my decision." 

"He--"

"The Doctor," she snapped, swiping a hand across her eyes again. "He was the Doctor just as much as you are."

"--was mostly human. Mostly. That means the baby won't be completely human. It's too dangerous for you on Earth during the early twenty-first century. With Torchwood out there, determined to analyze all things alien, what do you think will happen if they find out about the baby?"

Staring back at him, she took a deep, shuddering breath. "What do you want me to do then? Stay here? Or, oh, hey, did you find a way back to Pete's world?" Raising a brow at him, she watched as he tried not to fidget under her accusing gaze.

She had him dead to rights. He'd tried to dump her in the other universe, to seal her off with a human version of himself so he wouldn't have to face her every day. Wouldn't have to watch her grow old. Wouldn't have to accept the fact that he was so in love with her that he'd always choose her life over everyone else's.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, fisting them tightly. "You can't go home."

"You can't stop me," she scoffed, moving closer to him, but staying far enough away that he got the message.

He spun around and started setting the coordinates that would put them into the vortex. "Yes, I can."

"But, you won't," she said confidently.

Barely looking up from what he was doing, he braced himself for the reaction he knew his next words would bring. "Yes. I will."

After a moment's silence, she demanded, "Why? It's my baby, my life, my decision! You have no say in this." She shook her head, curling her lip up in disgust. "You're always trying to control everything. Always pretending you know best. Well, you're not controlling me. Not anymore."

Pressing the blue button before him, he looked up at her, regretting what he was about to do, but knowing it needed to be done. Not just for her sake, but for the sake of his baby. Their baby. Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose. The other Doctor's baby. Not quite his. Same DNA, same three strands, but... well, he wasn't the father. Not technically. "I'm sorry, Rose. I can't let you go."

And with a final press of the button, the TARDIS materialized in the vortex.


	9. Burned Bridges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has the Doctor burned his bridges?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Adult  
>  **Genre:** Angst/Romance  
>  **Summary:** Has Ten burned his bridges?  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

The Doctor stared at the ceiling and drew in a shallow breath. Images of Rose flickered through his mind, echoes of her laughter bringing a smile to his lips. His hearts, as they always did these days, felt like one too many in his chest.

One to care and one to spare, Rose had often told him.

He shook his head, not wanting to dwell on better times. Times when she didn't hate him. It'd get them nowhere.

Instead, he threw a hand over his eyes and sifted through his new memories, ones that included some very graphic images of Rose. They played before his eyes, drawing him in, forcing him to slow them down, to pick one from the multitude. As always, the intensity of the feelings was unexpected enough to make him gasp, each memory feeling like it was happening to him at that very moment. It was odd; his other self had fed him these images as he died, but they weren't fading, weren't growing old and blurry like he'd expected them to.

They were so vivid in fact, that he had a hard time telling them from reality sometimes.

He wondered if Rose had noticed his preoccupation. She was hardly speaking to him anymore, not that he blamed her. He had kidnapped her after all. But that didn't account for all the time he spent in his room, not alone, because he had his memories of Rose and the other him, though they felt like his own.

Like his fingers inside her.

Closing his eyes, he willed the images away. Resisted the urge to lick his fingers or to stroke himself in time to her gasping, panting breaths as she rode the other him.

Sitting up with a sigh, he rubbed his aching head with his hands and rested his elbows on his knees. Three hours was long enough to hide from Rose and it was time he got up and faced her. Or rather, watched her walk away from him again.

Two weeks hadn't lessened her anger.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Exhausted after six straight hours of working under the TARDIS console, the Doctor walked into the kitchen for a snack and stopped short upon seeing Rose seated at the small round table in the middle of the room. He paused only briefly before entering the kitchen completely and grabbing a mug from the cupboard.

When he turned back around, she was gone.

Setting the mug on the counter, he sighed and leaned back with one hand. Three weeks gone by and she still wouldn't talk to him. Couldn't even be in the same room with him.

There would be no soft, sweet kiss after his apology this time.

Taking a deep breath, he shook his head and rubbed his hands over his eyes. That wasn't his memory.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Without looking up from the book she was reading, Rose cut him off mid-sentence. "Unless you're here to tell me you're taking me home, I don't care. I'm busy."

He glanced at the books spread across the bed, reading a few of the titles. They were all anatomy books, dealing with pregnancy in humans as well as in other species. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I keep telling you, I can't take you home."

"Get out."

"Rose..." Behind his eyes, she glared at the other him as he grabbed her arm and pulled her tight to his chest, stopping her from leaving after a particularly ugly argument. Blinking against the familiar images, the Doctor rubbed his head harder.

She looked up, dark eyes narrowing on his. "Leave."

Knowing he wouldn't get any further with her this time, he stood up, leveling his gaze on her. He wanted nothing more than to pull her up with him and take off for places unknown, but it wasn't ever going to be that way between them again. He'd burned his bridges five weeks ago when he put them in the vortex and refused to leave it until she came to her senses. Well, no. It was actually much earlier than that; he'd killed his relationship with Rose when he told her he was abandoning her and the other him in Pete's universe.

He paused at the door briefly, glancing over his shoulder at her. She darted her head back down, pretending to read.


	10. Too Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It'd been too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Adult  
>  **Genre:** Angst/Romance  
>  **Summary:** It'd been too long.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

It'd been too long since Rose had felt sunlight on her face and wind in her hair. Too long since she'd heard a voice other than the Doctor's, and it was nice, after all that time, to hear so many at once, to have to strain to hear just one over the many.

It'd been far too long since she'd been off the TARDIS. She'd missed this; stepping out onto a new planet, with new people and new things.

Circling around the small wooden stall, Rose smiled at the vendor, then picked up one of the small baby outfits that were made of some sort of orange and purple fur with what looked like zebra stripes going across it. She smoothed her hand down the outfit, trying not to let the woman know just how hideous she thought it was.

Oh, god. There were matching booties.

Dropping the outfit to the table, she turned away, hiding her chuckles behind a cough.

Looking up, she found the Doctor in front of her, staring at the outfits with wide, horrified eyes, and she burst out laughing, grabbing his arm and dragging him away.

A few meters down the aisle, she suddenly remembered who he was and why she was there, and she dropped his arm like it'd burnt her. His smile slowly faded, and she mourned it.

It'd been too long since she'd see him smile. Too long since she, herself, had smiled.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He didn't take her to Earth anymore, but, truth be told, she didn't miss it. Working with U.N.I.T. had been fun and rewarding and dangerous and exciting, but it'd also been her and the Doctor, _her_ Doctor. Going back there now, without him, would hurt. But, she didn't let this Doctor know that. She complained, and groused, and told him to take her home at least five times a day.

And twice on Sunday.

Today, not a Sunday--he never landed on a Sunday--he'd landed them on Hydra 5, a small water planet that supplied water for ships and transports on the long journey between... a couple of planets or something. She hadn't really paid all that much attention after she spotted waterfalls of blue and pools of green. Saw the geysers that shot out in multi-colored streams, side-by-side to one another.

Vivid, bright blue trees lined the street in front of the shops, and birds of all shapes and sizes flitted around them. Others soared high above their heads, while still more took flight as people approached too near their roosting places.

Her back was aching, her stomach hard, and she just wanted to sit down and relax for a bit in the warm waters that promised better health.

The Doctor saw her eyeing the spa springs and leaned a little closer, not close enough that it bothered her, but far enough away that it did. "They're not health spas like back on Earth, Rose. These actually have herbs and medicines in them. I'd steer clear." His eyes darted to her stomach before taking flight much like the birds around them. "For the baby's sake. Never know what's in them. They don't exactly regulate these places."

"Right." She clenched her teeth and nodded, closing her eyes as yet another muscle spasm went through her stomach. Heading over to a small bench by a patch of pink lawn, she sat on the wooden structure with a sigh, hand rubbing idly over her belly. She watched a group of children playing in one of the springs.

"I can take you to Elechon if you'd like."

She shrugged, wishing the baby would just calm down. It'd been so hyper lately, kicking and pummeling her insides. And the fact that it did it more when the Doctor was around than when he wasn't, hadn't escaped her attention. "Why?"

"They have springs that are safe. And, oh," he turned toward her suddenly, eyes shining, smile widening, "do you remember those little cakes that--" he cut himself off suddenly, eyes widening as he straightened up on the bench, staring out at the children, but not seeing them any more than she did. He turned his gaze away. "Never mind. You probably wouldn't like it there anyway."

Frowning, she ran her eyes over his jaw, taking in the one, single sideburn she could see, and the downward tilt of his lips, but his expression gave nothing away. She wondered what he'd been about to say.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Something wrong?" the Doctor asked, glancing up from beneath the console.

She winced, breathing heavily as the baby pushed against her bladder, rolling around like a gymnast. "What?" she gasped, unsure she'd heard him right. Squinting against the bright lights of the TARDIS, she lifted a hand to her pounding head. All she wanted to do was return to her bed, in her darkened room, and curl up on it, but she couldn't.

"Doctor."

His head popped up again, eyes resting on her face for a moment before he jumped to his feet. "What's wrong? Is it the baby?" He reached out to touch her stomach, then quickly pocketed the sonic screwdriver instead. He'd only ever touched her stomach once in the two months she'd been aboard, and she wasn't sure why. He always halted his hand before touching her and this time was no different.

"Doctor?" she repeated, turning her head to the side. "I-- I can't hear you. There's this noise. Like voices... in my head, all the time. I can't hear anything but--"

"Voices," he echoed soberly, eyes dropping to her stomach. Moving closer, he exhaled and reached out, settling his palm on her belly briefly. He closed his eyes and held his breath. A moment later, he dropped his hand and moved back, rubbing his head.

The voices disappeared with his hand and she breathed a sigh of relief. "What--"

"I told you he wasn't completely human," he said stiffly and brushed past her, leaving the room behind.


	11. The Void Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a distance that sometimes can't be breached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Angst, hurt/comfort, AU, romance  
>  **Summary:** There's a distance that sometimes can't be breached.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

Wiping crumbs from her mouth, Rose sighed loudly, heavily, listening to her own voice, feeling... empty now that the other voices were gone. They'd faded in and out for a few days, making her head pound, but disappeared with the Doctor's touch.

Glancing at him, at where he sat at the kitchen table, she set her cup and saucer on the counter with a loud clatter, almost wishing the voices would return; at least _they'd_ talked to her. Sort of.

As she set her plate in the sink, she was startled to hear the Doctor speak for the first time in a few days. "Alishta."

"That a planet?" she asked, feeling relief pour through her. She moved to sit across from him, but came to a standstill, staring at the empty table.

He was gone.

Pulling a chair out with a loud clatter, she lowered herself into it, trying not to feel hurt. She'd ignored him for weeks, put him through the same thing he was putting her through now, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Rinsing the last of the soapsuds down the drain, Rose turned off the shower and grabbed a towel. Patting herself off, she climbed carefully from the tub. Aside from a few tumbling runs earlier, the baby was being rather calm today, and she was trying to enjoy it while it lasted. The Doctor was avoiding her, the baby was quiet and still, and she was... bored.

Sighing, she braced her hands on the counter and stared at herself through the steamed-up mirror.

Reading only held her attention for a short time, and eating gave her heartburn. The Doctor spent all his time under the console or in the library, and she was going mental, plum out of her mind. If she didn't find something to occupy her time soon, or if the Doctor didn't start landing on planets again, she'd end up--

Alishta.

Frowning, she jerked her head up. There it was again. That word. It was followed by others--a long string of words that she couldn't understand--but always including that single one; Alishta.

Staring into the mirror, she looked behind her reflection for the Doctor, but he wasn't there. Probably a good thing, she thought a second later, glancing down at her naked belly and swollen breasts.

If he saw her now, he'd most likely run the other way.

As the words--sentences, she thought--continued in her head, she turned sideways in the mirror, examining her belly. It was large. Much larger than Tina's had been when she was pregnant with her daughter. Bigger even than Leanne's, and she'd had twins. The books all assured her that every woman--and species--was different.

But it didn't reassure her any.

He'd seen her naked before when they'd shagged-- sighing, she admitted to herself that she'd been making love to him, not just shagging. She'd thought it'd been the same for him, but these days, she wasn't at all sure.

She'd been a bit thin back then. Now, she was sticking out everywhere and bulging in places and swelling... and it really wasn't attractive at all.

What would the other Doctor, the baby's father, think of her new body? Would he be disgusted, or drawn to her? Some men, she knew, found pregnant women sexy, especially if it was their baby. Probably a possessive feeling, pride that they'd knocked up their girlfriend. Would the Doctor have been that sort of man?

Chuckling, she smoothed her hand over her rounded stomach. Definitely.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The voice wasn't going away. She'd assumed that it'd fade out just like the others, but it was still there, still as normal sounding as a foreign language could sound, not the jumbled, chaotic swirl of voices that the others had been before. This was different.

She'd considered talking to the Doctor about it, and had even started to. He was in the console room, she knew, and she'd headed in there three or four times before turning around and going the other way.

He wasn't speaking to her. He was throwing a hissy fit and she wanted to keep her distance for a while.

Besides, the voice wasn't bothering her. In fact, it was sort of soothing, this low voice, deep inside her mind. She couldn't understand a word of it, but she felt calmed by it.

Alishta was becoming familiar.

Maybe the baby was soothed by it too. Sliding a hand over her belly, which was still but for the occasional movement, she headed toward the library. As she rounded the corner, she ran straight into the Doctor. Both of them let out startled gasps at the near crash of their bodies and the Doctor's hand reached out to steady her as he regained his own balance.

"Okay?" he asked, slightly breathless.

"Fine," she mumbled, starting to move around him when she noticed his other hand on her belly and his eyes trained there as well. She didn't dare breathe as he stood there, frowning at her stomach. There was a look that was gone when he blinked, a glimmer of something that reminded her of the other him, the other Doctor, and she felt tears burning her eyes. 

And then he was nodding and moving around her, heading to wherever he'd been off to in such a rush.

Drawing in a shuddering breath, she felt tears slip down her cheeks.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The console room wasn't as empty as it looked, not with the Doctor down in the inner workings of it and the voice keeping her company with every step.

Alishta.

She wondered what it was, what it meant.

It was being repeated fairly often, so much so that she felt like she knew it, yet she'd never spoken it aloud. Sitting on the jump seat, she smoothed her hand down the strut beside her, silently asking the TARDIS why it wasn't being translated for her. Could the TARDIS not hear the voice? Did she not know it was there to be translated?

Alishta.

Rolling the word around in her mouth, she silently spoke it.

The Doctor pulled himself out from the lower section of the flooring and replaced the metal grating he'd pulled free. Dusting his hands off, he glanced once at her, then moved around the console, flipping buttons back and forth, testing them out. Sparks flew from a switch near him and he jerked back with a cry of surprise.

Rose sat up, staring at him.

The words in her head were angry now and frustrated sounding. And she realized what she'd probably known all along. The voice was the Doctor's; she just hadn't recognized it because he wasn't speaking in English. He was speaking his native tongue.

"Alishta," she whispered, not even realizing she'd said the word out loud until the Doctor spun around, burnt finger in his mouth, staring at her.


	12. Overwhelmed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An exchange of civil words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, hurt/comfort, AU, romance  
>  **Summary:** An exchange of civil words.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

Dropping his burnt finger from his mouth, the Doctor glared at Rose, biting out his words. "Get out." Erecting his barriers as Rose stared at him, the word she'd spoken echoing in the silence between them, he tried to rein in his anger. She had no right being in his mind... hearing his thoughts. "Get out of my head."

Confusion laced her brow for a moment and then her mouth tightened and her eyes hardened. "I'm not _in_ your head," she snapped, "you're in mine."

Quickly closing the distance between them, he placed his hands on her cheeks and temples and pressed into her mind, knocking her out of his. She staggered backward, reaching out to catch herself on the jump seat. Grabbing her arm, he held her upright, wondering, as he stared at her, what other things she'd heard. Had she seen anything? What had he given away while completely unaware of her mind ghosting through his?

Did she know?

She straightened up and pushed him away. "Where d'you get off going into my head without asking? Told you it wasn't me. You were _there_ , in _my_ head." Glaring at him now, getting a good anger worked up, she snarled, "What's wrong with you?"

Shoving his fists into his trouser pockets, he bit back the angry words that sprang to mind and merely said, "I don't like people in my head."

She stared at him as if he'd said something stupid. "Well neither do I, and you didn't exactly ask, did you?"

Eyes burning into hers, he sniffed sharply. She'd been in his head, reading his thoughts, hearing everything. That she didn't understand any of it didn't matter.

"It's gone now," she said after a few moments, still with that bite of anger. "Is that for good? Is it permanent?"

Should've been permanent before, when he'd erected barriers to keep her and the baby from hearing him in the first place. But she'd somehow broken past those. Been in his mind anyway. "Should be."

"Good." With a last glance at him, she turned and headed out of the console room.

Once she was gone, he sighed, wondering when they'd stop sniping at each other over every little thing. Yanking a metal grate free, he crawled back into the inner workings of the console, surrounding himself with things he understood and didn't make him seethe.

Brushing memories of the human-him from his mind, he ripped out a bundle of wires from the rest, yelping in surprise when another shock went through him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

They managed to avoid one another for a few hours, until he headed into the library and happened upon her sitting at one of the tables, books spread around her, head on the tabletop.

He was about to turn and leave when she shoved the books away from her and sat up with a sigh. "Bloody useless, unless I'm a... tentacled, three-armed, purple... hairless alien." Sighing, she looked down at her stomach and settled a gentle hand on it, rubbing her thumb up and down. "You scare me, kid. I mean, these books tell me nothing, and all I know is from humans, right? Every little brat I knew was a terror." She lifted her head and chuckled a little. "End of the world is coming, Slitheen land right on our doorstep, and all Brandon wanted to do was watch his show on telly."

Grimacing in remembrance, the Doctor entered the room, bracing himself for a row. "Kids," he mused. "They've got no priorities."

It pained him a little that she didn't bother looking up at him as he crossed the room, or look across the table when he sat and flicked his eyes over all the tomes. Even when he went still, her head remained bowed. Taking a deep breath, he pushed back the urge to touch her, to reach across the table and slide his hand across her belly. To enter the child's mind and open his own to it in the process.

Instead, he clasped his hands in his lap and leveled his eyes on her. "I'm sorry."

She shrugged one shoulder listlessly. "Doesn't matter."

Leaning forward, he shook his head, resting his arms on the table. "But it does matter. It matters because, if I'm right--and I'm always right--the Time Lord DNA-- well, I say Time Lord, but I mean Gallifreyan. The Gallifreyan strands of DNA are much stronger than human, and then-- boom; you've got a little Time Lord on your hands. And by Time Lord, I mean Gallifreyan." Lifting one of the book spines to eye level, he read the title and tossed it aside. "You're right, these are useless."

Her eyes finally lifted to his, gleaming in the dim light. "Thanks. That helped."

"No, I don't imagine it did." He sighed and sat back, scratching his head. "But I don't know what to expect either, Rose. This is all new to me too."

"But you said you were a dad," she protested, voice rising in disbelief.

"Ah, yes. I did. But they weren't born, as such. They were loomed. By a great, big ole machine that wove the parent's DNA together and cooked up a baby."

Her lips twisted up. "Sounds romantic."

Lifting a shoulder in a shrug, he dropped his hands to the table, threading his fingers together. "It wasn't. But it was the only way for us to have children. I told you before, we're all-- we _were_ all sterile." Eyes slipping to his hands, he fought off the wave of grief trying to overtake him. "Just me again now."

Taking a deep breath, she sat back in her chair, making it creak, a sound he was familiar with, one that he loved hearing. It reminded him of days gone by, and-- U.N.I.T.?

Shaking his head to clear it of his dead twin's thoughts, he looked up to find her watching him.

"Then what do we do? I mean," she glanced at the books around them and rested her arms on her belly, "all these books are just about aliens. Not your people though. I don't know anything about Time Lords, Doctor. I don't know what's going to happen, what to expect. Do you?"

Blinking at her, overwhelmed by their exchange of civil words, he pushed to his feet.

It was... very odd seeing her even the smallest, tiniest bit afraid. She'd been so confident and independent since... well, she always had been in a way, but since she'd returned to him from Pete's World, she'd been even more so. Even after he'd tried to toss her aside.

And he realized suddenly that he didn't know Rose anymore, not like he used to.

They'd been separated for six years, and then another few months while she lived with the human him. She'd worked for Torchwood, then U.N.I.T., and then he'd come along again. Her lover had died. He, himself, had kidnapped her, forcing her to stay on the TARDIS, only landing a few times on unfamiliar planets for food and supplies.

And she was going to have an alien baby in a few months.

Yet she sat there, admitting something that had to have cost her a lot, but all he could see was the strong, independent Rose she'd become. Despite everything, she'd become stronger. And she was still the woman he loved. She was still Rose Tyler, and he still loved her with both his hearts.

"We'll figure it out--" he began, but stopped when she sighed in resignation. He slipped his hands into his pockets. "We will, Rose. Together." Forcing a smile to his lips, he added, "Just like always?"

Eyes still on him, she nodded, a hint of a tired smile on her lips. "Yeah."


	13. Beginning Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title says it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** Title says it all.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

A sudden kick to her bladder made Rose wince, but she was so used to it by now that it barely registered until the Doctor frowned, darting a look from her belly to her face.

"Was that a kick?" he asked, voice rising just a bit. His hand, holding a medical device he'd told her was similar to a sonogram wand, moved toward the center of her belly. "Felt like a kick. Are they painful? I'd imagine they are. Wouldn't want a teeny, tiny, little person inside me kicking at all manner of organs and things that I hold precious and dear." He slid the instrument down the swell of her stomach, toward her chest, and she sucked in an involuntary breath at how close his hand was to parts of her that he hadn't touched in nearly a year. "I'm rather fond of my spleen, thank you very much."

She let her breath out in a sigh. He didn't even seem to notice or care that he was touching her more intimately than he ever really had other than that one time. Just the once. Although, he had been rambling since they'd come to the medical bay. Maybe there was a reason for it?

After their conversation in the library, things had been calmer between them, maybe his need to fill up the silence with babbling was just nerves?

"Well, not just my spleen. Got all sorts of things I like. Hearts," he told her, adjusting a dial on the monitor beside the bed. "I've got two of 'em, but that doesn't mean I want some little tyke kicking 'em like footballs." His fingertips brushed against her belly.

Alishta.

The word whispered through her mind, and she snapped her eyes up to his.

He looked from the device to the monitor, unaware that he was projecting his thoughts again. "Not that little he or she can manage to kick way up there."

No other words or sounds came to her and she had to wonder if it was just her own mind repeating the word. Didn't feel like her thoughts though. Didn't feel like... her.

Just as the monitor flickered and buzzed, she leaned up on her elbows and asked, "What does alishta mean?"

The Doctor's eyes shot to hers and he tightened his grip on the device, pressing it uncomfortably into her belly. "What?"

Shrugging from her position was a bit difficult, but she managed it. "I don't know, I just..." lowering her eyes to her belly, she drew in a deep breath. "I keep hearing it. In my head."

"Ah." Fiddling with the machine, he turned away from her, adjusting a dial, then another. "It's a word my people used--" Frowning, he turned back to the monitor, hitting it once on the side. "Eh, it's... well, the best English translation I can come up with is inadequate really. Has a lot of meanings. Multiple ones that all translate differently and none are the same, like a snowflake, and each angle of the meaning is changed with each new facet of..." he opened his mouth, but no more words came out.

He smacked the side of the machine again.

Brow furrowing, she laid back down, letting him run the wand over her belly, his movements more businesslike this time. Disappointment flowed through her. "Oh."

Sighing, he straightened up and darted his eyes to her face. "It's the feelings attached to the word more than the meaning behind it that--"

The screen flickered and her eyes slipped to the monitor. Amid the glowing blue graininess, she saw a very distinctive image. "Oh, my god." Feeling a sense of wonderment, she slid her hands down her stomach, drawing in a sharp breath. "That's my baby." A grin split her lips, laughter bubbling up inside of her. "I'm having a baby."

The Doctor's fingers brushed hers briefly as he moved the wand.

That was a tiny little life inside her, a life they'd created. "I wish your daddy were here to see you," she whispered, tears burning her eyes.

The Doctor pressed a button on the monitor, stilling the image, then dropped the wand to the tray with a clatter, startling her. "I'll leave you alone," he mumbled, turning on his heel and leaving the room.

Staring after him, she felt her stomach clench and her chest ache. He couldn't even stand to see the baby.


	14. Feelings of Familiarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor has a trip in mind for Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** The Doctor has a trip in mind for Rose.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

The Doctor ran through the doorway of the TARDIS, tossing an absent look her way. Darting up the ramp, he started flipping switches and turning dials, doing his usual TARDIS-take-off routine.

From the safety of the jump seat, Rose rubbed her lower back, grateful she was sitting, because just watching him run around like a madman was making her exhausted. "So, when're you planning on sharing your Huge, Gigantic, Completely Fantastic Idea?"

He didn't say anything, just smiled widely and then motioned zipping his lips.

Since he'd decided on this... whatever it was, he'd been grinning like a loon. A far cry from the dark mood he'd been in since the sonogram. Since she'd asked him about Alishta. Since he'd walked out the door, refusing to look at the baby.

She couldn't quite figure him out; one moment he was normal, jabbing a mile a minute, the next, he was silent and moody.

Most of her questions and comments had been met with silence after the sonogram. Then, suddenly, after a conversation in which she'd done most of the talking, he'd rushed out the door to the console room, taking them out of the vortex, and landing them only-he-knew where.

Now, he was back from wherever he'd gone--he'd insisted she stay inside, saying it was harmful for her and the baby--and he was taking off again.

The TARDIS dropped with a light bump, landing again.

The Doctor turned to her, hands in his pockets, solemn look on his face. He pulled a hand free and held it out to her. Nervousness settled in her. What if he'd taken them to a hospital of some sort? They'd been discussing her fears about the baby and what she should expect when he'd got his bright idea.

Waggling his fingers invitingly, he stepped forward to help her, but Rose waved him away, pushing to her feet on her own. She wasn't helpless yet. Once she was firmly on her feet, she settled her hand in his, feeling his fingers wrap around hers, realizing that this was the first time she'd touched him like this since the one and only time they'd made love. Since he'd decided to dump her and the other him back in Pete's World.

Fighting the urge to yank her hand from his, she let him draw her down the ramp with him and out the doors to--

Gasping, she bit her lip, gazing at her former home.

The Powell Estates.

A surge of homesickness flowed through her and a wave of nostalgia battered at her emotions, too easily stirred these days.

His hand tightened around hers as if he knew what she was feeling. As if he _knew_ that she felt like a kid again and wanted nothing more than to run home to her mum. But she didn't. She stayed glued to the spot because, even if she could manage a run in her condition, she wasn't that little girl anymore.

And Jackie wasn't there.

Stifling a sob, she turned back to the TARDIS. "I don't wanna be here. Why did you--"

"Rose! Why didn't you call, sweetheart?"

Swallowing around the lump in her throat, Rose closed her eyes for a second, took a deep breath and then turned to look over her shoulder. It was her, really her--a wet chuckle escaped Rose's lips--lavender track suit and all.

The tears she'd been holding back fell, blurring her mum's figure as she ran toward them. Rose turned more fully toward her, and Jackie came to a halt, gaping at her.

A hand covered her mouth, but her words were as loud and shrill as ever. "Rose Marion Tyler! What did you do?!"

Giddy with the joy of seeing her mum again and hearing that tone--that screeching tone she'd always cringed at--Rose covered her mouth to hide her giggles.

Her poor mum!

She tossed the Doctor a look, half-grateful, half-accusatory. She understood what he'd done. Knew Jackie would now be forced to keep a gigantic secret from her for years to come. Is that why she hadn't kicked up much of a fuss when Rose told her she was staying behind in their proper universe, leaving her, Pete, and Tony behind?

She knew the Doctor had done it for her because of her fear, knew he was giving her back the one person he knew she needed more than anyone else right now, just as he'd once given her back her dad.

Closing the distance between her and her mum, Rose wrapped her arms around her and held on tight, feeling each curve, each breath, smelling that special Jackie Tyler scent; an odd combination of lavender, baby powder, and hair spray. Chuckling into her mum's shoulder, she closed her eyes and inhaled, feeling like that kid all over again, sitting on mum's big bed, looking through old photos of her dad.

Or snuggled on the couch watching telly and eating biscuits.

Letting out a shuddering breath, she clutched her tighter. "I love you, Mum."

Jackie held on just as tightly for a few more moments before pulling back and staring her down. "None of that now, Rose, trying to butter me up. You tell me what happened... as if I couldn't guess." Her eyes darted angrily to the Doctor before landing once again on Rose. "You're pregnant!"

Rolling her eyes, Rose let her mum cup her cheeks and swipe at her tears with a concerned noise.

Eyes searching Rose's face, she shook her head and sighed. "Always thought you'd do better than me, Rose." The Doctor stepped up beside them, and Jackie's attention switched back to him. " _You_ did this." Sniffing sharply, she put her hands on her hips. "'It's not like that,'" she said snidely, in a poor imitation of Rose. "He's better than that, my arse!"

Sighing in exasperation, but loving every moment of it, Rose grabbed her mum's hand before she could take a swing at the Doctor. "Mum, it's-- stop it, Mum."

Jackie huffed, stiffening for a moment before dropping her hand.

Snickering a bit, Rose darted a look at the Doctor, but he wasn't sharing in her amusement. He was standing there with his hands in his pockets, chin high, silent and solemn. So much like he used to do when facing an alien threat-- no, that was the other him.

Shaking off the still painful memories, she turned her mum toward her. "The baby's not his."

Disbelief swept across Jackie's face. "Oh, don't give me that. 'Course it's his." Then, sudden as a shot, she gasped, holding her hands over her mouth. "You're having an alien baby." Lowering her voice, she darted her eyes around, as if someone might hear. Grabbing Rose's arms, she dragged her toward their--her--flat. "Come inside." Tossing a look at the Doctor, she pointed her finger at him like a weapon, but he didn't even flinch. "You too. Not like you're not responsible for this... somehow."

The Doctor shifted in place and Jackie's eyes slid behind him to the TARDIS.

"Better not be thinking of leaving my daughter here, knocked up with some alien baby--"

"Mum, I already told you the baby isn't his," Rose said more forcefully, wincing at the tight grip on her arm. This was going to be fun to explain. Jackie'd only just got her head wrapped around the idea of the old Doctor being the same man as the one in front of her now.

How would she take the idea of two Doctors, looking exactly alike, but one being mostly human, and both being the same man?

"It's mine, all right? And--" pausing, she looked around, trying to get a feel for when they were, but there was no way to tell. "When was the last time we saw you?" It hurt to think that this would be the last time she ever got to see her mum again. She wanted to tell her everything, but could she? Was it safe? Had she done so before?

"That whole Elton thing, sweetheart, don't you remember?"

Rose's heart stopped for a moment. They'd be visiting Jackie again soon. Darting her eyes around, looking for signs of ghosts, for Cybermen, she saw the Doctor shake his head.

"Rose, no."

There was a stern warning in his voice and on his face, telling her not to interfere, and she knew--knew!--she couldn't, but that didn't make it any easier. Didn't make it hurt any less.

"No what?" Jackie asked, looking between the two of them in exasperation. When neither said anything, she rolled her eyes. "Upstairs, you two." She drew Rose along with her, being extra careful of her, as if she were nine months already and ready to pop at any moment.

"Mum, I'm not an invalid. Still got months to go yet." Pulling away from her mum, she walked ahead of them to the staircase.

"Months to g--" she said in bewilderment, taking Rose's arm again. "But look at you. Sure you're not having a litter? Can't believe you let an alien knock you up, Rose. Really."

Heaving a sigh, Rose pulled the door open and waited for Jackie and the Doctor to go through, but there was a small, silent scuffle while they made her go first and she tried to fight their coddling. Finally, after a glare at the both of them, she headed toward the stairs, feeling the heat blast her almost immediately. It was always so sweltering in here.

"Baby's not mine," the Doctor told Jackie briskly as he slipped past them, taking the steps three at a time, coat billowing out behind him.

Jackie stared after him. "Well, why isn't it?" she called loudly, voice echoing in the stone and glass enclosure.

Rose rubbed her head, pushing her sweaty hair off her forehead. "Drop it, please."

"Sweetheart," Jackie said softly, hand on the lower part of Rose's back as they slowly ascended the steps. "Is something wrong? Did this-- were you not... what I mean is, was it consensual?"

"Yes," she replied immediately, sending her mum an honest look, wanting to get that idea right out of her head. "Yeah, Mum, it was-- I... I love him," she whispered, brushing impatiently at the tears, ever ready to fall these days.

"I know," Jackie soothed, hugging her tight once they reached the first landing. The Doctor's footsteps above them stopped and he was gone, down the hall toward the flat.

Rose felt like he'd just walked out of her life and the tears began to fall faster.

"He loves you too, Rose. I know he does." Jackie drew back, tucking Rose's hair behind her ears, brushing away the tears with her thumbs.

Sighing, Rose pulled free of her mum. "Not him. The other--" closing her eyes, she shook her head. "Never mind. I want some tea, just like you always make it. I miss your tea." Giving her a watery smile, she wondered if her mum would've liked the human Doctor.

Wondered what kind of father he'd have been.

How was she supposed to raise this baby without him?

The Doctor would be there, she knew, but the baby wasn't his. And, judging from his reaction just now, he didn't want anyone thinking it was either.

As they hit the landing, Jackie peered down the empty walk, sighing loudly. "If he's busted the lock, he's paying for it. Does he actually have money? Or does he make you pay for everything?"

"He's got money," Rose answered absently, wondering why he was so anxious to leave her behind. She knew he wouldn't do it permanently, not here, not in this time or place. Not even on Earth at all. The baby wasn't completely human, she knew that now, so it wasn't even a possibility. And she wouldn't allow it either.

But she still felt suddenly like he didn't want to be around her.

"He used the sonic screwdriver. The lock is fine."

As they neared the flat, Rose felt the baby kick, moving around like a gymnast. "Mum," she gasped, grabbing Jackie's hand and placing it on her stomach.

Jackie went still for a moment before a laugh left her. "That's my grandbaby. Oh, Rose, I can't believe I'm going to be a grandmum. At my age!" she lamented, looking horrified for all of two seconds before smoothing Rose's hair out of her face. "I wish your father were here to see you."

Closing her eyes, enjoying being with her mum again, feeling that wave of nostalgia sweep over her again, she started to sway on her feet. "Me too," she mumbled. Soon enough, Jackie would get her wish, though not in the way she expected. And a while after that, she'd be in the same condition as Rose. Sniffing back tears, Rose kissed her mum's cheek and went into the flat, immediately hit by the familiarity of the place. "What d'you think of the name Tony?" she asked, unable to help herself.

She missed her little brother so much.

"Isn't that a bit human?" Jackie asked, heading into the kitchen to make the tea. "Shouldn't the baby have a title or something like himself there?"

Settling into a chair at the table, Rose watched her mum work and rubbed her head, aching from the heat and the long climb up the stairs. She didn't bother correcting her mum on the father of the baby again, knew it was useless. Jackie'd made up her mind and nothing Rose said would change that now.

So, the Doctor was the daddy.

Sliding her eyes to him, she watched him fiddle with the remote for the telly.

As if he felt her gaze on him, he said, "You should take something for that headache." Eyes jumping to hers, he added, "Just not aspirin. Ever. We're allergic. It'd kill the baby."

Nodding, she blinked at him. He was already back to fiddling, but how did he know she had a headache?


	15. Straightened Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and Jackie have a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** The Doctor and Jackie have a conversation.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

The Doctor took a deep breath and then turned to face Jackie. In her kitchen. At her table. With her anger battering at him, nearly visibly. Forcing a grin to his lips, he held out one of the cups in his hand and crossed to the table. "Tea?"

Watching him with narrowed eyes, she ignored his proffered beverage.

Setting it on the table in front of her, he sat across from her and nervously sipped at the hot liquid in his own cup. "Your tea is always the best, Jackie." Eyeing her, tossing a look at her untouched cup, he straightened in his seat, getting right down to the business at hand. "Rose is safe. I'd never let anything happen to her. She's been through some things lately, but--"

"Nothing but aiming a missile at her, right? And leaving her behind while you're off dying. Leaving Mickey behind in another universe." Dropping her arms to the table, Jackie sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I don't understand why, Doctor, but I know that she loves you. She'd let you do just about anything to her and not say a word."

He snorted, lifting his eyes to hers over the steam rising from his teacup.

There was a proud, answering smile hovering on her lips, but it was gone again within seconds. "You're going to take care of her. Whether she wants you to or not," she told him, folding her arms over her chest. "You knocked up my daughter!"

"I--" he tried to protest, but she wasn't done yet. Was she ever?

"You got her pregnant with an alien baby, and you're going to be a father to that baby." She dropped her arms to the table, losing her defensive posture, curling her fingers around her teacup. "She didn't have a father growing up, but my grandchild will." There wasn't a single bit of room for argument with her statement, even had he wanted to argue with her.

"Not up to me," he said more forcefully than he'd intended, and quickly downed a gulp of tea to cover his anger. "I know you don't believe us, but the baby isn't mine. Not exactly. I mean, she's got my DNA, and the father was-- well, he looked just like me. And he was part Time Lord, but mostly human. He had all my memories, and he was... essentially me, but--"

"Was?" She drew her cup to her, wrapping her hands tightly around it. "Rose didn't say--not exactly--just that he was gone. Is he dead?"

Nodding, he shoved his hands through his hair. "Yeah. He-- I didn't get to them soon enough."

"So, what... he was, like, a clone or something?" Lifting her cup, she took a sip, then another longer one and he sighed, drooping in his seat.

Leaning forward, he spoke quickly, earnestly. "Listen to me, Jackie, I love Rose, and I'd do just about anything for her, including leaving her forever if I felt that was what was best for her. This baby may not be mine, but I have his memories as well, he gave them to me, and I'm as close to being the father as is possible for not having actually--" he paused, clearing his throat as her brows dipped low, "eh, been there during--"

"Digging a hole," she told him, interrupted by a yawn. She slapped a hand over her mouth, and mumbled, "Got a point?"

"Yes, sorry. I'm going to raise the baby as mine, and I wish you could be there with us, but that's not possible." Grabbing her hand, resisting the urge to drop it again and pull back when she narrowed her eyes on him, he sniffed sharply.

"Hang on, what? Why not?" she thundered, slouching a little over the table, trying to look mutinous, but only managing to look exhausted.

Hands tightening on hers, he stood and helped her up. She slouched, boneless, against his side. "Just listen, Jackie, we don't have much time. It's a girl. You have a granddaughter, and she's going to be fantastic. She's Gallifreyan--that's my race--and already she's showing some extremely brilliant telepathic powers." Beaming proudly, feeling, despite Rose's aversion to him taking the place of her lover, that this baby was still his in some way, he wrapped an arm around Jackie's shoulders, taking on her weight as he led her out of the kitchen. "She's going to be remarkable. Just like Rose."

"Doctor," she mumbled, pushing against him weakly. "Wha... d'you... do to me?"

"Just a little retcon." Settling her on the couch, helping her lie down, he slipped a pillow under her head, then knelt in front of her, hands between his knees. Even half-asleep she made him nervous. "You'll be fine in a few hours, none the worse for wear." Sighing, feeling guilty for doing this to her, he slumped lower. "I can't let you remember, is all." Her eyes slipped shut, then opened slowly before sliding closed once more and staying that way. Leaning closer, he whispered into her ear, feeling a bit of tenderness toward her, despite everything she'd ever said about him. Most of it true. "Rose needed you for a bit. I'm sorry."

"Bloody b-- bastard," she murmured before slipping into unconsciousness.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Rose sat up straighter on the jump seat, working to get to her feet when he came back into the TARDIS. "'Bout time. Was about to go back up there and make sure one of you hadn't been knocked unconscious." Grinning, she accepted his hand, allowing him to help her up this time. "Probably would've been you."

"Oi, what's that about?" he complained, rubbing his fist. "I'm sure I've got a mean right hook. I could take her." Sniffing sharply, eyes sliding down to the console, he set the coordinates for the vortex. "Could probably lay her right out."

"You get it all straightened out then?" she asked, moving closer, watching him with a casual interest.

Feeling guilt simmer in him, he shrugged. "Much as we ever will."


	16. Unstable and New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose wants to know one important thing. She finds out more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** Rose wants to know one important thing. She finds out more.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

"Why were you gonna drop me off in that other universe? With the Doctor?" Rose asked as soon as he sat down at the kitchen table.

Adjusting his glasses unnecessarily, the Doctor lowered his brows, squinting at the wires sticking out of the relay switch he was fidgeting with. To say this had come from out of the blue would be a serious understatement. "I-- I was giving you the life you wanted."

She scoffed lightly, though there wasn't any malice in the sound. "After I traveled with you for two years, you really thought what I wanted was a normal life? No space travel, no time travel... no planet hopping?" Sitting back, hand on her belly, she chuckled and shook her head, frustration evident in her voice. "What I wanted was you."

Eyes jumping to hers, he set the relay switch on the table.

"I wanted _this_ life, Doctor. To be with you in the TARDIS, traveling, helping people, getting neck deep into trouble." Smiling a little, she tilted her head to the side. "How could I possibly want normal after that? Instead of that?"

Swallowing back his reply, he sat back in his chair with a sigh. Rubbing his hands over his face, pushing his glasses up out of the way, he rubbed his eyes hard. "Seemed like the right thing at the time. Thought you just wanted--"

"What, you?"

He halted his hands, then dropped them to his lap. His glasses fell back down and he pushed them back into place as he glanced her way.

Raising a single, curious eyebrow, she waited, fingers tapping her stomach.

Her belly was huge. She looked to be about ten months gone now, not six, and that concerned him a bit. He'd increased the number and frequency of sonograms but nothing appeared to be wrong. Everything seemed normal. She was progressing as she should be... for all that they knew. But he was working blind here. There was no precedent for this.

Humans and Gallifreyans didn't usually mate. There'd been a few, but he hadn't been involved and knew nothing of their medical cares and concerns. Besides, their children had been loomed.

"Yes," he finally admitted, eyes sliding back down to the relay switch. Scooping it up again, he fiddled with the wires sticking out of it. "I thought you'd be happy." Shrugging, he sniffed sharply. "I was wrong."

"You were wrong," she agreed, folding her hands on her stomach and lifting her eyes to his.

Feeling her gaze on him, he glanced toward her, only for a second, before resuming his busy work. Avoidance work now. "I'm s--"

"Thank you."

Frowning, surprise flowing through him, he breathed out and set the TARDIS part back on the table again. "What?"

"Well, if you hadn't tried to dump me back in Pete's World, I wouldn't have left, wouldn't have-- I might not have the baby, or..." she ducked her head down, lips pressing into a tight line before she looked back up, eyes suspiciously shiny. "I loved him, Doctor."

Hearts beating wildly, despite knowing she wasn't talking about him, he smiled, not having to pretend at all that he was happy for her. Part of that was quite possibly the other Doctor's feelings inside him. "Times fifty," he said softly.

Head jerking up, eyes narrowing on him, she sat up straighter. "What'd you say?"

Startled at her change in mood, he thought hard, trying to remember what he'd been thinking, wiping his dirty palms on his trousers, searching his mind. Ah. Times fifty-- oh.

Closing his eyes, he rubbed the back of his neck. Maybe it was time to tell her. Maybe he should lay it all out there. Would she be happy? Angry?

Hate him for possessing the memories of her dead lover?

"Eh, Rose, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. Probably should've told you a long time ago, but we haven't been on the best of terms, so--"

"He shared memories with you." Chuckling humorlessly, she shook her head. Tears slipped down her cheeks. "I mean, I knew he was doing it sometimes. When we were in danger--"

"When _you_ were in danger," he clarified.

"Or, I don't know, when he was bored maybe. Angry." Lips curving up in a smile that had no joy in it whatsoever, she blinked back the tears. "I told him not to. That they were our private moments." Eyes finding his, she drew in a deep breath. "But he did it anyway, didn't he?"

This was one of those moments; be honest or lie. For her sake. No, if he were being honest, it was more for his own. He was torn. Their current relationship was unstable and new. He didn't know what to do, didn't know how she'd react.

"He showed me some things, yeah, but never as they happened. Only after. The first time you-- well, when you first had sex... afterwards, he was angry." There, nice simple admission. Certainly he could do more. "But, Rose, it's not just those memories. I've got all of them." Rubbing his forehead, watching her eyes widen, he struggled against the dull ache that was there. Always there.

"What?"

"When I collapsed, it wasn't just his mind closing off from mine, like I told you. It was--"

"His memories," she mumbled, shaking her head slowly. "No. But that's-- why would he do that?" She started to push to her feet with obvious effort, and he jumped up to help her, but she slapped his hand away. "Don't touch me. You're not him." The words were harsh, torn from her throat, terrible in the truth of them, and in the lie.

Bitterness stole through him and he laughed at the irony of it. Sitting down, resting his head in his hands, he caught her gaze, remembering this same conversation they'd had the day he'd planned to leave her behind.

He'd made love to her and assured her the other man wearing his face and his suit was him. But he'd known that wasn't true. She knew that as well, now more than ever.

"But I _am_ him," he whispered, trying to convince himself as well as her.


	17. Sucker-Punched By Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor isn't thrilled with how things are between him and Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** The Doctor isn't thrilled with how things are between him and Rose.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

The Doctor saw Rose shake her head and then leave the room, leaving him behind with his misery.

He dropped his head to the tabletop, bumping his forehead against it. "Head. Slam. Desk. Common phrase on the Internet," he told the empty room, impressing the toaster with his knowledge and quick wit.

The shiny, metal masterpiece of technology didn't reply.

Well, he'd certainly blown that.

He'd had how many chances over the past few months to tell her? Had looked at her, opened his mouth, and attempted to say it how many times? Had clammed up and decided he was too big a coward to do so after all?

"Only a gazillion."

Closing his eyes, he let himself rest for the first time since finding Rose again. Let himself relax. It'd been a whirlwind of non-stop angst and drama since... well, actually since he'd first stolen the TARDIS. But recently, it was more in the range of finding Rose again and fighting off the Daleks. Again. And losing her. Again.

To... well, him, this time, at least, not just another universe as he'd attempted to do before.

And now the truth was out of the bag. He had only 201 other secrets he was currently keeping from Rose, and only 17 of those were ones he could actually share with her.

Alishta, that was one he could share.

It was a word his people had used in times of deep-- when other-- bloody hell, he couldn't really remember the true meaning, just the one it'd come to mean as part of the family whole.

A word that came to mean love, more than anything else.

Completeness. Unity. Wholeness. Deep feelings.

Love.

And he did love her. More than any one man could, or should, love another person. He had his own feelings, plus his double's. To say he'd been sucker-punched by love would be a massive understatement.

"Doctor."

But he couldn't tell her that. Not now. She'd think it was all the other him.

Snapping his head up, he wiped off a little drool from the corner of his mouth and turned to Rose, who was standing in the doorway, clutching the doorjamb with white knuckles.

"It's noisy again." She didn't move closer, didn't look like she wanted to. Ever. "My head... I hear voices. Are they you?"

Pushing to his feet, he placed his hands on her stomach and knocked the baby from his mind, reinforcing his barriers. "Yes. I'm sure it is." Instead of rearing back and running from her as he'd wanted to do the first time she whispered Alishta to him, he stood straight, watching her gather herself.

Rose bent over with a sigh, closing her eyes as her hand wrapped around her belly, ever protective.

Did she think she had to protect the baby from him?

"He had no right."

The Doctor remained silent, standing in front of her with his hands in his pockets. Itching to reach out and touch her again. Just once while not performing a task of some kind. While not examining her or steadying her, or any number of other reasons he'd used to touch her in the past month. It was his own fault; he'd been avoiding her.

Avoiding touching her and being near her, as if that would help in any way.

Standing straight again, Rose fixed her eyes on him. "He had _no_ right. You're not him," she said forcefully, eyes boring into his. "Just because you have his memories, that doesn't make you him."

He knew that.

But he also knew it was a lie. He was himself, and he was his other self. Two men in one body; something he was quite used to. "Isn't a man measured by his memories? By the sum of what he remembers?"

"No." She bent over, fingers gripping the jamb again, knuckles turning white. "He's measured by his experiences. By actually _being there_ , not just having memories of being there."

He reached out to her, hands steadying her; another task. "Rose--"

Her head snapped up, eyes boring into his. "You're _not_ him." The words were desperate, as if she needed him to agree before she could move on and let it go. Pleading with him to agree.

Begging him by statement.

She winced and bent over again, grabbing her belly, and he realized she wasn't just upset. It was too early... she was only 24 weeks. Of course, he didn't know what was normal in this pregnancy. They hadn't found any answers. Information about Gallifrey was scarce in the universe. Most of what was left was in the TARDIS, and he'd yet to find anything relevant.

With her only six months along, she could be right on time, or three months early.

"All right," he agreed, taking her arm and resting his other hand on her back, "I'll be the bloody Queen of Ahloongton'ish-nel if you'd like. Just let me help you to the med bay."

Rose groaned, panting heavily, breath leaving her in a rush before being sucked back in harshly. "But it's too soon."

Clenching his jaw tight, he remained silent, not wanting to scare her. His irritation and hurt at her insistence that he wasn't the man who's mind had been made up of _his_ faded away.


	18. Life Got Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose was having contractions...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** Rose was having contractions...  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

Rose blinked up at the ceiling, watching the columns slowly come into focus as the thrum of the TARDIS hummed in her ears.

"The baby?" she asked immediately, remembering pain and an inability to breathe, then more pain. The Doctor had given her a shot... she thought.

Maybe.

Turning her head to the side, to where he was sitting, she raised her voice past a whisper. "The baby?"

The Doctor jumped to his feet, sudden as a shot, startling her. She was used to him, used to the other him, and the previous him, but this him was the most animated and energetic of the three.

"The baby's fine," he responded, squinting at the monitor beside her, showing a clear image of the baby. "I stopped it. You're no longer in labor."

Eyes straying to the image on the screen, seeing the little hands and feet clear as a silhouette, Rose relaxed and settled back.

Relief poured through her, settling in her chest, making it tight. She hadn't realized until just now that, underneath the pain and panic, there'd been genuine fear that she'd lose her baby. Lose _his_ baby. The last bit of him she'd ever have.

"You'll need to stay in bed for a few days, I'm afraid."

Flicking her eyes to the Doctor, whose head was down as he fiddled with the monitor buttons, she reassessed that. He had her lover's memories now. He was almost him.

Smoothing her hand down her stomach, fingers brushing bare skin, she felt for the familiar movements of the baby, needing that reassurance on top of the Doctor's. But the baby was still. "Doctor--"

"The baby's fine, Rose." His eyes rose to her briefly, then darted away again. "You're fine. I'm f-- well, you and the baby are fine."

She pushed up on her elbows, pulling her shirt down over her exposed belly. "You're sure you stopped it? It's too soon, isn't it?"

"It's-- I don't know," he admitted, standing back, hands in his pockets, that look on his face; the solemn one that she hated because it never preceded anything good. "I'm not really sure how long your pregnancy should last, but the baby is still growing, and it is too soon right now. Seems to be in line for a human-length pregnancy."

A breath left her, one she'd been holding for far too long. Months maybe. Along with the voices, she'd been afraid something else was abnormal with the pregnancy. The Doctor had warned her, after all, told her that the baby wasn't human, but she'd thought that maybe that just meant he had his father's telepathy and awful sense of timing.

And kept perfect time.

The Doctor tapped the monitor and the image disappeared. He glanced her way. "I need you to know that I am him. Same as he was me. You may not want to think so, but I have his memories and he had mine before that."

She lay back down, staring at the ceiling again. "He stayed."

The Doctor drew back as if she'd smacked him one worthy of her mum. "He did. I know; I was there." He tapped his temple. "Every step of the way. I saw the highlights and the lowlights while he was alive, and now I've got it all."

"So? Doesn't mean anything. It's like... like looking at a photo album someone else has kept and calling it yours."

He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "Rose Tyler, you stubborn, brilliant human. I was me. Then he was me. Now, I'm him." He adjusted her shirt, pulling it lower over her stomach. "We're one and the same."

She closed her eyes, unable to argue with his logic, but also unwilling to believe him, because, in her mind, she needed to keep them separate. Keep them apart. This Doctor hadn't been at the ceremony of W'Uhila of Zed-Three-One with her. He hadn't made love to her beside a cliff while meteors fell to Earth, lighting up the sky in a streaking orange haze.

"Yes, I did," he said softly. "I danced with you after the prince declared it a celebration of life rather than the stale, boring ceremony of succession. You danced with the prince twice, then begged me not to let him drag you away again because he kept stepping on your toes." He grinned widely, her favorite smile from him. "The prince was slightly offended and left U.N.I.T. headquarters in a huff."

An answering smile tried to lift her lips, but she forced it back, though the memories of that night flooded through her. The laughter and dancing and champagne. The sweet kiss he'd given her in the mess hall.

"The night we made love during the meteor shower, you slid down an embankment and nearly broke your neck. Frightened the daylight out of me."

Rose's eyes burned with tears, but she refused to shed them. Curling up on her side, away from him, she fought the sobs rising in her throat. "You're in my head."

"Actually, yes, but that's not why I know those things. I am him as much as can be now."

She wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel. She'd loved the other him just as much as she'd once loved this Doctor. "Why are you in my head?" she whispered, trying in vain to block him from her. Her thoughts were scattered, obsessing over little details, not focused enough to block him.

"Unavoidable, I'm afraid. Little junior, or juniorette, is broadcasting them rather loudly. I can't block you out for some reason. Not since--" He moved away, footsteps fading on the metal flooring, then growing louder again as he returned to her side. "I suspect my-- his-- the memories damaged my abilities temporarily. I'm absolutely rubbish at keeping the baby--and you, by extension--out of my head now."

Opening her eyes, she stared at the wall across from her, blinking at the bright white and the contrasting, glowing, blue lights coming from somewhere. "I can't hear you now."

Her head felt better as well; the headache had receded some.

"No, but I can hear you." His hand touched her temple, then her forehead. "I'm sorry. I've tried stopping the flow, but I can't seem to."

She rolled over with a sigh, looking up at him, looking at the man who'd meant so much to her over the years in different guises. She loved him and she didn't care if he knew--she saw his lips form a smile at her thoughts--but he wasn't the same man as the one she'd lived with for so long on Earth.

He was the same Doctor as the first one she'd known, but after that... life got complicated. He'd been here, on the TARDIS, traveling with Donna--

The Doctor flinched and turned away and she felt a sinking feeling in her chest. He'd told her that Donna had gone home, but his reaction flowed back on her, battering her with sadness.

"What happened to Donna?"

"You should rest." He was brisk and businesslike as he pulled a blanket up over her.

Shutting down.

She felt her heart sink lower.


	19. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose has questions but she won't voice them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** Rose has questions but she won't voice them.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

Two days after Rose goes into labor, the Doctor lets her leave the med bay for her bedroom, trading one bed for another. Four days later, he lets her leave her room with a promise of a trip to the kitchen if she lets him help her get there.

The issue of Donna is relegated to the back of her mind, burning in her thoughts, an unanswered question that he refuses to even entertain answering. It's always there though.

And he knows.

His smile is absent more often than not when he comes to visit or help her to the bathroom. He practically lives in her room the first day. Gradually, he leaves more than he stays, has an excuse more than the truth. Donna is between them now, and she isn't sure how to fix that.

He comes to her room on the fifth day, strained smile hovering on his lips. "Your chariot awaits!" He holds up a finger and runs back to the door, dragging in an old-fashioned wheelchair. Ancient. "She's a bit rickety, but sturdy." He grins broadly, but she sees the strain in his expression, sees the effort it takes to pretend her thoughts aren't battering him with a question he doesn't want to answer.

Sitting up, she tries to muster up excitement--she's leaving her room for the first time in days, after all--but it comes out just as reserved as his. The smile on her lips just as strained.

The Doctor's smile slides away with a suddenness that startles her, and he drops to the chair with a sigh. Resting his elbows on the arms of the chair, he rubs his palms over his face with a frustrated groan.

Rose tosses back the covers, swinging her legs over the edge.

"Meta crisis."

She pauses, frowning, sliding her feet into her slippers.

"It's called meta crisis, what happened to Donna." His eyes find hers, the weariness in the brown depths startling her. "I didn't think it'd happen at all after using the Chameleon Arch. Thought she'd be fine; part human, part Time Lady."

Rose settles her feet on the floor, feeling her heart break for him. She wishes it wouldn't, it'd be so much easier if she didn't have all of these feelings swimming in her for him. But she does.

And he knows.

"But it happened anyway." He stares straight ahead for a few seconds, lost in thoughts she could only imagine, and wish he'd never experienced, before he snaps himself out of it. "It happened. Just more slowly. I had to erase it all. Everything she'd seen, everything she'd done... everything she'd become since meeting me."

Sadness and horror sweeps through her.

She can't imagine losing all of her memories of the Doctor. All of the wonderful things they've seen together, done together. All the things she's experienced and lived through.

It'd kill her to lose that. To lose him.

Getting to her feet, she ties her robe under her stomach as well as she can.

He sighs heavily and she thinks he looks at place in the wheelchair, like he belongs there. He's seen too much in his lives. "I took it all from her, the fantastic Donna Noble she'd become. I took it all away." Sniffing sharply, as if his thoughts have got away from him, he pushes to his feet and draws in a deep breath before letting it out in a rush.

Fighting tears, Rose crosses to him and wraps her arms around his waist, hugging him tight.

He's tried to throw her into a separate universe with a copy of himself as a consolation prize. Forces her to travel with him, and refuses to let her go. Kept the fact that he had the other Doctor's memories to himself. Ignores her and yells at her. Treats her horribly at times.

But she loves him.

He buries his face in her neck, and she thinks she hears a sniffle. Smoothing her hand down his hair, she closes her eyes and breathes him in, loves him peaceably and without reservation for just a moment.

And he knows.


	20. Take It in A Heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pieces of their pasts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** Pieces of their pasts.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor murmured, hoping Rose hadn't caught him watching her. "I came in to escort you to lunch, but you were asleep, and--"

"And you couldn't resist a chance to watch me drool?"

Busted.

He smiled self-effacingly, knowing there were worse things to be caught doing. But she'd looked so peaceful and innocent that he couldn't have resisted even had a corulpo beast charged him. It was rare that he and Rose didn't fight or ignore one another these days, and observing her in a moment of quiet was... nice.

There'd been times he'd caught her watching him while he worked under the console or on a TARDIS part. Out on a planet, during a quiet lull in conversations.

She wasn't as innocent as she pretended.

They were still on shaky ground, but he was finding it less and less necessary to be on guard around her. Today was one of _those_ days it seemed. He hoped.

He'd begun to wonder if they were gone for good.

"Not exactly," he murmured, straightening his tie and glasses. He could sense her feelings, feel them brush over him and realized that she was happy to see him... because she was bored silly.

Well, not the best reason, but he could work with it.

Pushing to his feet, he shoved his hands into his pockets and grinned at her, feeling a pleasant ache in his chest at the warm smile she sent him in return. "Feel up to a planet-hop? Since you're bored--and I'm brilliant because I just remembered about a fantastic planet that you'll love--we could go to Elechon and take in the lovely sites and sensations. And what sensations, Rose. This planet will make you--"

She waved her hand to halt him. "Babble later. What's so special about Elechon?" she yawned, lazily covering her mouth as she scooted to the edge of the bed, belly first.

"It's a planet covered in warm springs and geysers." He reached out, taking her arm and helping her to her feet, wondering just how big she planned on getting. Seven months in and she looked ready to drop a baby elephant. Glad she couldn't hear _his_ thoughts, instead of the other way around, he settled his hand on her stomach, listening for the little gal.

His daughter.

"Told you about it before," he continued, feeling pleasant sensations flow against him. "It has soothing springs that... that soothe. Soothing waters, gentle rains. Rainbows everyday? Hm?"

Rose was still under his hand and he realized that he was touching her in that way that he'd been wanting to, but hadn't dared to without a reason. And here he was, just... touching her. Sensation-conversing with their baby.

Glancing down into her face, he felt her feelings rise up stronger than the baby's. They battered at him, though she was valiantly trying to block them from him. It didn't matter, her barriers were weak and scattered, nothing strong enough to keep him from feeling everything she was feeling.

Hurt. Caution. Distrust.

She didn't like the way he was touching her. Didn't want him to act like a father.

Hurt and shock went through him and he jerked his hand back, stepping away from her. "Sorry. Didn't mean to... manhandle you," he said bitterly, then drew in a breath and put on a smile to cover it. So much for the truce they'd begun. "So. Elechon?" He rocked from foot to foot, forcing a smile. She didn't want him. Didn't trust him. Didn't like him anymore. That was fine.

That was... fine.

Just fine.

Their life on the TARDIS was going to be interesting.

"No." She sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh, hand on her stomach, sagging down, looking defeated. "No, I don't want to run off to some planet where we can continue to ignore this thing. Us. The baby. All of it." She looked away and then back again. "He's dead, Doctor, and you have his memories. We need to talk about it, not keep ignoring it, hoping it all goes away or gets better on its own."

He wanted to snap back that she was the one ignoring it all.

Throughout the past few days, he'd done his best to approach her to discuss it. She'd seemed amenable after their discussion-- his discussion, about Donna.

She didn't hate him, he knew that much, but they weren't getting anywhere.

So, maybe a chat would be good.

He shoved his hands through his hair, resigned to the fact that the peaceful accord between them was quickly slipping away.

"I've tried, Rose. I've tried and tried and tried some more. I've talked 'til I'm blue in the face--and let me tell you that's not easy with my respiratory bypass system--but you don't want to accept the fact that I'm him, the same way you accepted that he was me."

Exhausted with his little outburst and the feelings between them that made them so ambivalent toward one another, he dropped to the bed beside her.

She turned to him, disbelief on her face.

"Is that what you think? That I accepted him as you?" She scoffed, shaking her head as if he'd said something incredibly stupid.

Humans, always thinking things were simpler than they were. It was complicated, he was complicated. All of this, everything was bloody complicated and she was turning it into a simple him or the other one argument.

She loved him, he knew she did. And he loved her. That was as simple as any of it got, and even that was more complicated than it seemed.

"Doctor, I fell in love with him as someone else, not just as a cheaper version of you." She stood up with some effort, but he refused to help her again. Grabbing clothes from her drawers and closet, she headed toward the bathroom. "He was you, but he was different. He might've looked like you and talked just like you--couldn't keep his gob shut at the best of times--had your brilliant mind, and your memories, but I loved what he'd become. Not what he used to be."

Sighing, knowing this would be just as hard as he'd thought, he fiddled with his tie, wondering why it couldn't ever go smoothly with her. "I'm glad--"

"He liked pears, you know." Her eyes shot to his. "And he wasn't rude. Didn't stick his fingers in other people's food." She tossed him a pointed look. "I loved him because of the man he was _despite_ you."

She went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her with a finality that he didn't accept.

She wanted to talk, so they'd talk.

As soon as she came back out.

His anger ratcheted up as he waited for her to dress and wash up. He dropped to the bed, putting one leg over the other. Then dropped it back to the floor. Turned a bit and slid it up on her bed. Waiting.

He hated waiting.

Nervous for some reason, he jumped up to pace, anger beginning to dissipate as his impatience rose. She finally came back out a minute later, fully dressed, belly covered in a pink blouse that made her look like her namesake.

His impatience faded with the anger.

She was Rose, and he was the Doctor, and that was their baby. He could make it work, he could. He'd just need to try harder, and make her see reason.

She looked surprised that he was still there, but she didn't ignore him as he half expected. "He stayed," she said simply, repeating her words from before. That same accusation aimed at him for trying to leave her behind. "He wasn't afraid to spend his one and only life with me. Wasn't afraid to watch me grow old and die. He wasn't a coward."

The Doctor snorted and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Simple enough to do when you only have one life and you'll grow old too." He knew the words were defensive, and, even as he sniped them out, he saw her sharp look.

It softened a moment later, but not completely. "You've lost a lot of people, Doctor. I know. And he told me why you can't-- don't want to be with me, but don't make _him_ out to be the coward."

Standing up slowly, he tried to push aside his anger, but it wouldn't go away. "It's not just an excuse, Rose. I'm the only one left. It's me and no one else. There was another-- another Time Lord--"

"I know," she whispered.

Frustration shot through him. This wasn't what he'd wanted to discuss. This wasn't what he felt was something he could share. Not now. Maybe ever. But apparently the other Doctor hadn't felt the same driving need to bury it as deep as he could.

Force it to scar over and then bury it some more.

"I'm not saying he was a coward, the other me. He was brave, living the human life. I could never do that. Not with all my memories intact." Every day of his life, until he had no more days or lives left, he would be that coward. "Did it once or twice--"

"I know. He told me. About all of it. Guess he shared his memories with both of us. Just... in a more literal sense with you."

Smiling uncomfortably, feeling it come out as more of a grimace, he buried it all down again. If the other him had shared everything with Rose, then the human Doctor had more than one up on him.

It wasn't his ideal situation, being this close, and yet so far away, from someone who knew more about him than anyone else. But if it was the only way to have Rose, he'd take it in a heartbeat, because he couldn't be without her anymore.

"I love you, Rose. And I want you-- I want us to be... I want you to stay here with me forever. And the baby."

Her eyes fixed on his as if she hadn't an inkling of his thoughts and how he felt. As if she didn't know. But she had to know, didn't she?

"So, Elechon?" he chirped.


	21. Wavering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rationally, Rose knows he's the same man, but can she accept it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** Rationally, Rose knows he's the same man, but can she accept it?  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

Rose forced the breath out of her aching lungs and pressed her hand to her forehead. "No. I don't-- enough about Elechon, Doctor. What--"

"Well, then, we should probably get that lunch, after all. Don't wanna--"

"Doctor!"

She hadn't yelled at him like that in a long time. Years maybe. Definitely years. The other Doctor had always rolled his eyes when she did it, but this one fell silent and snapped his mouth shut.

"Oh, had a bad vision of Jackie just then." He did all but shudder at her and curl his lip up to show his displeasure.

She was impressed with his control.

Rubbing her face with her hands, she groaned loudly, her frustration reaching new heights. Somehow, somewhere, she'd lost control of her life. Somewhere along the way the Doctor had become her compass, but at this moment, he'd taken her out to sea and left her, rudderless, on chaotic waters.

"You can't--" She closed her eyes and dropped her hands with a sigh. "You can't just say something like that and then gab about like nothing happened."

"Actually, I can." He dropped his head and shoved his hands into his pockets, looking like a chastised, fidgeting little boy. "Got a bit of a gob on me in case you hadn't noticed."

She scoffed lightly, feeling some of her frustration dissipate. "I noticed." This Doctor was so much like her beloved Doctor that her heart ached and her arms felt empty. This man was him; he kept on insisting it anyway. But was it true? Were they interchangeable? One and the same? "Remember that trip to America with the ambassador from Tischna? He insisted on silence the entire way." She snickered, remembering the near-pain on his face after just a few minutes. "You about went mental."

"Telshana," he sighed, eyes rising to hers, lips pressed tight. "It was the Telshan delegation of the Telshana people, and we went to their ship. In orbit around the moon."

He knew, but that didn't make him _her_ Doctor. It didn't make up for him not being there, but she wanted it to.

It was starting to.

It made her feel better, as if she'd got a piece of her Doctor back.

His head tilted to the side, eyes on her. "You can't be that oblivious," he told her. "You have to know that I want you here. You and the baby-- _our_ baby."

 _My_ baby, she wanted to snap at him, feeling a twinge of bitterness. Old feelings and habits died hard.

"I love you, Rose." He shrugged his shoulders and arms as if it didn't matter anymore. "It's as simple as that if you want to boil it down to its simplest form. I want you to travel with me, here in the TARDIS." He sighed again and she wondered why he seemed so resigned. So much like he was giving up.

"I--"

Gaze hard on her, he crossed the room toward her. "Just say yes."

Shaking her head, knowing it wasn't that simple, she fought the tears burning her eyes. It'd be so easy to give in. To love the man before her. Because she did.

"I know you do," he told her, but there was no smile this time. "And you know that I love you. I did before his memories. I do now that I have them." Reaching out, he took her hand and moved closer. "Stay with me. Not because I'm making you. Not because you have to." He settled his hand on her stomach, smiling a little, eyes dropping to the soft curve of her belly. "Stay because you want to."

His face wavered before her eyes as her tears slipped free. She wanted to. Realizing that she wouldn't choose to go back to Earth now if she could, and that she wanted to stay with him, not go to some random planet and live there, she rested her hand over his. "Doctor..." Feelings of happiness and contentment flowed through her at the touch.

From him? Or from the baby?

His other hand settled on her cheek, reminding her of a day spent in a church with her father and the first Doctor she'd known. She'd loved that Doctor too.

Those feelings had made it easier to love this Doctor, and the human one after that. The feelings that were now all tangled up in a big ball of Doctors and time and confusion and babies and death. Tangled up in being left behind and--

"I'll stay," he whispered, resting his forehead on hers, breath ghosting over her cheeks. He threaded his hands into her hair and she sighed. "I won't leave you, Rose. Not anymore. I can't."

She shuddered at the promise in his eyes.

"Running from you, from my feelings, from what I am, it doesn't work. I've tried it. It's lonely and I'm tired of being lonely, Rose. Stay with me."

Wavering as much as her vision was, she drew in a deep, shuddering breath, fighting to keep her emotions under control. To look at it rationally, but she couldn't. Not with him this close and this earnest. This honest. Touching her with warm fingers that she knew as well as her own.

Hands that'd caressed her and teased her and made her feel pleasure.

He shuddered and she knew he was remembering the same night she was, when he made love to her in their living room, using his hands to bring her to orgasm three times before seeking his own pleasure. "Not just in the TARDIS, Rose. I want you in my room." He pressed his lips to hers, sliding his hand behind her neck, cradling it gently. "In my bed. In my life."


	22. The Lonely God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are a lot of things the Doctor regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** There are a lot of things the Doctor regrets.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

The Doctor drew in a deep breath as his hearts doubled their beats and panic assailed him. He'd finally laid it all on the line.

What if she said no?

What if she didn't want him at all?

The possibility made his mouth go dry and his palms go damp. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her he hadn't meant it, that the other Doctor's memories had made him make the offer. Or space flu. Temporary insanity?

Anything but his own desperate feelings.

But he bit back the words and straightened up, taking control of himself. He'd said the words, and he'd meant them. "I love you," he told Rose again, seeing her frozen, as if he'd done something she hadn't expected.

Something she didn't like?

"And I can't imagine my life without you anymore. Please say you'll stay."

Rose snapped her mouth shut and exhaled shortly. "D'you expect me to flee to the first planet we land on?" she asked, trying for levity and failing miserably. "Oh... Doctor. Is today drop-a-bombshell day? I don't-- I can't-- I wasn't planning on leaving soon."

"Well, that's-- that's good then."

Her eyes landed on his, steely and angry.

"Isn't that good? Rose? That's good, isn't it?" His mouth was running away from him and it made him want to cringe. Bit of a gob, yeah. Just a bit of one. "I'm sorry. That was... a lot. I'll," he pointed at the door behind him. "Just go. Give you some time." He started out, then turned back around. "Got plenty of it, time. Might as well use it... are you done? I--"

She stared at him pointedly. Very pointedly. She wanted him to go. "Doctor."

"Right. Yeah. Going. Sorry." He left her behind, to think, to wonder. He knew she was beginning to come around, but was it because she thought he was the same man? Or because he was so much like her lover?

A substitute.

Drawing to a halt outside the control room, the Doctor banged his head against the doorjamb. He really hoped that wasn't the case. Though, he'd left the other him behind with Rose, expecting him to be just that. Exactly that; a substitute Doctor.

Only, it'd backfired, and now _he_ was the substitute.

Turning around, he headed back to Rose's room. He didn't knock, just stormed inside. "Rose. I'm sorry. For what I did-- almost did. Intended to do."

She glanced up from a book--a photo album--confusion on her face. "For making love to me all the while planning to drop me off somewhere where I couldn't ever get back to you with a copy of you as a consolation prize? That what you're apologizing for?" She half sighed, half smiled. "Think I already thanked you for it. Not that I'm not still angry and bitter about it, but I have a baby growing in me now, and I love her."

"Yes, but--"

"Or him. I think it's a her though." She set the album down and got to her feet. "Wouldn't have a baby if you'd kept your promise."

He flinched, feeling shame and guilt batter at him. He'd promised her he'd never leave her. Not _her_ , he'd insisted. Then, the very next trip, he'd done just that. Gone swanning off, leaving her and Mickey alone.

For a woman who always, and never would be, dead to him. A bright, shiny bit of a distraction, fleeting and constant.

Then he'd left her again at Canary Wharf.

She came back to him, but he'd lost her anyway in some gigantic cosmic joke. The Universe having a karmic laugh at his expense. And again, she'd come back, only to have him try to dump her off somewhere unreachable.

Again.

Crossing to her, he took her arms in his hands, staring intently into her eyes. "I shouldn't have tried it. Shouldn't have pushed you away, but I was afraid. Of you, of us--"

"You think that's what's so wrong about what you were going to do?" Rose pulled free, shaking her head. Dropping to the bed, fiddling with the corner of the photo album, she looked away from him and slid her eyes to the floor across from her. "You're an arrogant arse, you are. It wasn't-- we were furious because you'd made the decision _for_ us! You act like a god, thinking you know what's best for everyone, for humans for... for every race out there. But you don't. You're just as screwed up as the rest of us. Just as clueless."

Taking a photo from the album, she stood and pressed it to his chest.

"Stop playing the lonely god." Pushing past him, she left him alone in her room.

The Doctor drew in a deep breath and looked at the picture; it was the latest sonogram of... their daughter.

A million thoughts flitted through his mind, chief among them being that he _had_ to be the cosmic sheriff. There was no one else.

Tracing the baby's head with his finger, he slid his eyes to the empty hallway. Maybe it was time to stop, not just in words, but actually stop and just... live. To let the Universe take care of itself for a while. Otherwise, he could be facing endless empty hallways.

Not only was he tired of being lonely, but he was tired of being a god.


	23. Different Kind of Selfishness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor doesn't want to be selfish, but he wants Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** The Doctor doesn't want to be selfish, but he wants Rose.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

The Doctor halted just outside the kitchen door, seeing Rose. Just seeing her. It'd been nearly 10 hours since she'd left him alone with the sonogram picture. 10 hours since he'd gone over it all in his head and come to the one conclusion that'd help him get her back.

10 hours since he'd rejected all of those conclusions because the Universe needed him.

Now, 10 hours and 2 minutes later, he was finally done avoiding her.

Entering the room, he strode to the table and sat across from her. "I can stop." Gobsmacked at the words that'd just come out of his mouth, he sat back, snapping his jaw shut, teeth clacking loudly in the empty room.

Rose raised a brow at him. "That right?"

Shaking his head, feeling sadness deep in his bones, the Doctor sat forward, taking her hand. "Yes. I can. I can stop. Now if you want. Well, I've already stopped, haven't I? Haven't landed much recently." Eyes widening at the words pouring from his lips, he stopped the flow, but realized that he meant them.

He wanted to stop.

For her. For the baby. For the man who'd come from him and lived such a short time.

He wanted to stop.

"Doesn't look like you do," Rose told him, sad smile hovering on her lips before fading away completely. "And I'm not here to _make_ you either. Gotta be your decision." Pushing to her feet, she stood looking down at him and he felt her fingers brush lightly, so lightly, along his forehead.

She hadn't touched him freely like that in months, maybe longer.

"Told you I was tired of being lonely."

Scraping his chair back, the Doctor got to his feet and closed the distance between them. His hands reached out to her, shaking because he was afraid she'd shrink away again, but she didn't. He was free to touch her for no reason at all other than that he wanted to.

"I don't like being the Lonely God, Rose. I don't-- I don't like it."

She didn't reply, just stood still, watching him decide where to put his hands and when he finally settled them on her belly, she released a breath that matched his own.

"Then don't do it anymore. Stop for a while."

Resting his forehead against hers, he slipped his arms around her waist, holding her loosely in a hug that he'd been craving since she left him. One that wasn't filled with sadness and the loss of Donna. One that wasn't about the other him.

One that was just him and Rose.

"I stopped once, just before I met you."

She pulled back, staring at him. "You did?"

Nodding, he rested his chin on the top of her head, staring at the old blue and stainless steel refrigerator he'd picked up from Earth when he worked for--with--the Brigadier. 60s? 70s? He'd modified it a dozen times since then, changed it, made it better, the way he tended to change planets and people to try to make them better.

The Lonely God, he'd been called, and he hated that title, though it definitely fit.

"After the war, after I regenerated, I... stopped. Didn't wanna go on anymore like I'd been." Closing his eyes against the fridge, he sighed and tightened his arms around Rose. "Didn't he tell you? The other me?"

He felt her head shake a little under his chin. "No. Should he have?"

Considering her question, he stayed silent. He wasn't sure if she should know, if the other him had had a right to tell her. He was glad the other Doctor hadn't brought it up because he felt like it was _his_ failing, _his_ choice.

His selfishness.

"What happened?" Her arms slid around his back and gripped his shoulders from beneath his arms. When he stayed silent, she dug her fingers in. "Doctor?"

"The war ended, and so did I. For a few months anyway. Didn't travel much."

"You were grieving--"

"I was selfish," he retorted, self-loathing welling up in him. "I left them all, Rose, with barely a backward glance. I left my people because I felt they were pompous and unwilling to get involved in matters that concerned the Universe. Oh, they actually were, selfish and pompous and frightened of outsiders by that point. And I couldn't stand being there any longer. I wanted to see the Universe. So, I left them without a thought, took off with no one but a TARDIS and my granddaughter."

He felt her go still, knew he was telling her things she'd never heard before, from either him or the other him. It wasn't how he'd wanted to tell her these details, with pain in his hearts and such fierce a determination not to lose her again eating away at him.

His life was hard and it was lonely; companions made it less so. _Rose_ made it less so.

"You had a granddaughter," she marveled, arms sliding around his waist, fingers clutching his jacket. She pressed her cheek against his shoulder, and he felt her breath ghost across his shirt.

He wanted to feel that for the rest of his lives.

"Susan." The name sounded foreign to him now. He hadn't allowed himself to think it, let alone speak it. Not since the war. "She went by the name Susan Foreman. She loved Earth as much as I do. Particularly the 60s, though she eventually ended up in the 22nd century fighting a war. Fighting the good fight. Until the Time War."

Rose's eyelashes fluttered closed. "She's gone?"

"Oh, yes. They all are, no matter where they were in space or time. All of them but me. My family is-- do you know that I never visited them? Never went back to see them. Even Susan. She was... she left me, and I was bitter. I let a few years and a few regenerations go by and then decided she didn't need to see me anymore. Though I saw her once years later by someone else's hand." He snickered and breathed in deep. That was a tale for another time.

"Your... wife?" she asked, and he heard the hesitation in her voice, felt her fingers loosen minutely. Knew she didn't want to know, but couldn't help asking.

So, he brushed it aside. Another day.

"I lost them all in the war, and the moment they were gone, Rose, the very moment they no longer existed, when they were unreachable... I missed them." The Doctor was tired. Beyond tired. Remembering that day, that night, that period of time, the moment they were gone, he felt the sudden loss of billions of lives connected to him just--

Not there anymore.

It hit him again, overwhelming him in its enormity and his knees went weak.

"I miss them," he whispered, gripping her tighter to him as she struggled to pull away. "And that-- that is beyond selfish."

Rose managed to draw back to glare at him. "That's not selfish it's hum-- well, it's normal. I'd call you selfish if you _didn't_ miss them, you bloody pillock."

A grin slid up his lips completely without his consent. "That's why I love you." Then it disappeared again at the thought of her not being there like his people. "I don't want to do that with you, Rose. I don't want you to not be around and then miss you when it's too late. I want to be a different kind of selfish." He kissed her lips lightly, barely realizing he was going to do it until he did. "I want you with me forever."

Taking her face in his hands, feeling her hair brush against his fingers, he drew back and saw tears in her eyes.

His hearts beat faster and her single one did as well, beating against his mind.

"I want that too," she finally whispered and kissed him. No tender, sweet kiss, this, but a full, open-mouthed kiss full of desperation and hunger and love. Her hand raised to the back of his head to hold him there and he silently vowed it was unnecessary; he wasn't going to leave her ever again.

Not even to death.


	24. Not So Clever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor gets clever and takes Rose back to Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** The Doctor gets clever and takes Rose back to Earth.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

"I am clever. So very clever. Rose, have I ever told you how clever I am?" He glanced back at her, lifting his eyebrows. "Because I am. Very, very clever."

She chuckled and got to her feet, joining him at the console. "You know, I do believe you've mentioned it here and there. So, Doctor, just how clever are you?"

Sliding the stabilizers down and then softly pushing the back-up gyro thrusters, he grinned at Rose. It was good to have her back like this, like they used to be; traveling the Universe, teasing and smiling, excited at each next adventure. "I am _so_ ," he spun the time dial, "very," perfected the date, "very," he grabbed the mallet and whacked the thrusters for good measure, "extremely clever!" Stopping for a moment, he grabbed Rose, and held tight, wrapping her up in his arms.

He pressed a kiss to her lips before slamming his hand down over the materializer button.

The TARDIS began to shake and rumble.

"Doctor," Rose shouted over the noise, clutching him back just as tightly, "you're gonna--"

"Shh," he murmured in her ear. "I'm being clever."

Smacking him on the back, she braced herself against him, holding on for dear life as the TARDIS shook and shimmied and danced that beautiful dance that he loved to participate in.

And then she went still.

Anticipation rushed into him and he grinned, bouncing in place before drawing her toward the doors. "Prepare to ooo and aww at my brilliance, Rose," he told her, throwing the doors open. "Too clever by half!"

Rose gave him a bemused look, then stepped outside.

He resisted the urge to jostle her in his enthusiasm and just watched her take in the familiar mansion. The familiar sky with familiar zeppelins. And the familiar tang in the air that was so different from their own Universe.

"You bastard!"

Blinking at Rose, the Doctor jerked out of her reach, expecting another, harder smack. And getting one. She hit his shoulder and shoved him back. "Oi, ow! What! I thought-- I mean, Jackie. Thought you'd wanna see her. Want her to see--"

She smacked him again, harder this time. "You're not leaving me here." There were tears in her eyes he saw now and realization slapped his manly jaw.

"No!" Of course, he could see how she'd think that. See very clearly how she could think that. He was very dumb. "Not so clever after all." Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tight, kissing her forehead. He wanted to kiss every inch of her, to hold her to him forever, to protect her from her own suspicions and thoughts, but a screeching voice rang out in the early dawn hours and it was headed straight for them, blonde hair trailing behind along with a fluffy white robe.

"You're not leaving me," Rose insisted, voice hard and cold, fingers digging into his arms.

"Never." He pulled back as Pete shouted at Jackie not to slip on the dewy grass. "Not in a million, trillion years." Eyes lighting on Jackie as she neared, his lips twisted up at the sight of her. "Especially not with that."

Rose smacked him in the chest, but there was a hint of a smile on her lips.

"Her," he corrected, rubbing the ache away. She might be eight-and-a-half months along, but she could still hit like a pugilist. "Meant her."

"Rose!" Jackie shouted, then stopped as Rose pulled away from the Doctor and turned toward her. "Oh, my god, you're pregnant!"

"Oh..." the Doctor groaned, rubbing his head as he remembered he'd erased Jackie's memories of their last visit; the baby, Rose, their conversation, all of it was gone and Rose had no idea he'd done it. He scuffed the damp grass with his foot, a pout forming on his lips. "Really not very clever at all."


	25. Awkward Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackie and the Doctor square off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** Jackie and the Doctor square off.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

The Doctor set his teacup on the table in front of him, listening to the rattle of it on the saucer. Pete's eyes followed the cup. Jackie's eyes stayed firmly on the Doctor.

Clearing his throat, he shifted on the hard sofa. It felt like rocks under his bum. Certainly not a comfortable seat for family. Or close-to-family. It was a seat one sat enemies on. Eyes lowering to the chairs Pete and Jackie sat on, he let out a little, 'hm' at the comfortable-looking seats.

"Er, so what've you--" he began, hoping to steer the silence to conversation, but Jackie cut him off.

What else was new?

"You got my daughter pregnant. And after all that piffle about it 'not being like that'. I knew," she told them, eyes narrowing on first him, then Rose, who was sitting on the other side of the narrow couch with Tony between them. "Never believed all that nonsense about it being above all that."

The Doctor resisted the urge to glance at Rose as Tony fidgeted between them, vying for a better position for feeling her tummy. He knew he'd only see the disappointment and accusation she'd be hard-pressed to hold back. Hold back? This was Rose, she probably wasn't even trying. Oh, that glare could set numerous planets on fire. He'd known it'd be difficult if Rose ever found out what he'd done, but... he'd had no choice.

"She never would've kept her mouth shut," he'd told Rose quickly as she turned to him at Jackie's exclamation upon first arriving, then winced, realizing how harsh his words were, despite their truth. Jackie wasn't the biggest gossip he'd ever known, but she was in the top ten. Maybe even five. Certainly LaRuoche could've given her a run for her money. They'd have got along famously, the two of them.

"Told you already," Rose sighed, wrapping an arm around Tony, "it's not that simple. There were circumstances."

His eyes slid to Rose again, despite not wanting to see that disappointment and anger. But she wasn't angry. Wasn't glaring. That threw him.

She'd glared when he told her her mum couldn't keep quiet. "You didn't give her a chance, Doctor. As usual. Just doin' what you think is best." But the words had held little of the fire and venom he'd expected, just a few mumbled statements, muttered under her breath as Jackie approached, and he'd assumed it was so Jackie wouldn't hear them.

But maybe it had just been a need to get that token protest out there, into the light of day.

"Rose, your tummy moved!" Tony climbed onto his knees, kicking the Doctor in the leg a few times. It was yet another attempt to get Rose's attention back on him, a place it hadn't much strayed for the past twenty minutes. She'd hugged and kissed the poor boy until he'd squirmed out from under her arms, wiping his cheek with a disgusted sound. Now, it seemed all he could do was hang on her and talk excitedly and show her the best toys and gadgets he'd got since he'd last seen her.

She smiled at Tony, holding her hand over his on her belly. "Told you there was a baby in there, didn't I?"

"Well, yeah, but it _moved_. Like that cartoon where an alien bursts out of the lady's stomach!"

Glad for the small reprieve, the Doctor shifted again, wondering why on any Earth anyone would put furniture like this in his or her home. It belonged in a jail cell. In fact, he'd sat on more comfortable furniture _in_ jail.

Jackie snorted. "Circumstances. I'll bet there were circumstances."

Pete cleared his throat and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Jacks..." He shook his head and tossed a look at Tony, who was still happily cuddling Rose's tummy.

"Don't 'Jacks' me. That man promised me he'd take care of my baby. Instead he impregnated her with one."


	26. Issues in Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor faces Rose for his dressing down, and not even the good kind, more's the pity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Character/Pairing:** Ten, Rose  
>  **Rating:** Teen  
>  **Genre:** Drama, angst, AU  
>  **Summary:** Jackie and the Doctor square off.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Doctor Who.

Uncomfortable furniture, blunt mothers, and excited younger brothers aside, the Doctor thought it was going pretty well.

Reasonably well, anyway.

It wasn't like he'd expected open arms and love from all sides. He'd just wanted to give Rose her mum back for a time. And her brother and dad. She'd told the other him how much she missed them. He hadn't really thought it through as thoroughly as he could've, but where was the fun in that?

Watching as Rose glanced around the bedroom of the home she'd lived in for six years, he wondered if he'd done the right thing. She looked a little lost, like she wasn't quite sure if she belonged here anymore.

Was it wrong that that pleased him?

She brushed her fingertips over the dresser and a few items on the surface. Makeup bottles and hairbrushes. On the mirror, there were some pictures of Rose and Mickey, arms around one another as they mugged for the camera. Just like old times. Eyes rising to hers, the Doctor felt a selfish need to touch her and keep her near.

Crossing the room, he stood behind her, enjoying the handsome pair they made in the mirror. Handsome and in flux. She was going to have a baby soon. His baby. That was still such a scary thing to him.

Meeting her eyes, he sighed at his reflection. "I'm so sorry, Rose."

"What for?" Her eyes slid down and she moved away. The words were just something to put between them; she didn't really need an answer.

"I thought you'd like it. I didn't think--"

"You never do." Her smile was instant and teasing, but there was an underlying weariness.

Feeling like he was suddenly on the verge of losing her again, he tamped down his panic.

"I really am sorry. I didn't think you'd think I was leaving you here. I didn't... think." His fingers itched to grab her, to hold her with him, to force her back to his side and back into the TARDIS. Could she possibly decide to stay?

Was there a chance he could lose her again?

He couldn't. Not ever. So, he faced the problem head on; it worked on planets with crazy dictators and moons that were wobbly. "You don't trust me."

She turned and looked him in the eye. Crossed to him. "Yes, I do, Doctor." She smoothed her hand over her belly. "I trust you completely in all things... except when it comes to you leaving me behind. That's gonna be a tough one to get past."

Feeling his heart sink and lighten at the same time, he exhaled, not sure what he could say to that.


End file.
